Self Leadership

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I think too many times we are too dependent (lazy may be a better word, but I don't want to offend anyone) on others to "do it for us" (whatever it is) rather then doing it for ourselves.

Unfortunately this is also true in the local church; I am guilty of feeling this way as well. "I want my local church (that I only attend when I'm not too busy)to fix all my problems, teach me the whole Bible, teach my kids the whole Bible and make them behave (and if they aren't behaving it's the churches fault) give me a worship experience that brings a tear to my eye and gives me goose bumps, makes my spouse more loving, my job more enjoyable, and makes food taste better ... etc etc.

Then all week we do absolutely nothing to continue to feed ourselves spiritually ... and then again we wonder why we aren't growing ... it's never our fault ... so we blame everyone and everything other then the person to blame - OURSELVES!

If I am not in shape physically, I don't blame the local YMCA that I attend, I blame myself for not doing what I need to do to grow (or get in shape) everything I need to get in shape is available to me, but I must pick up the weights myself and move.

As for those of us who are married ... I think it's the husbands responsibility to LEAD spirituality in the home ... if a home is not growing spiritually ... it's the husbands fault! (There can be exceptions ... but rarely). And for those of us who are parents, its our responsibility to TRAIN UP OUR CHILDREN in the LORD ... we parents should TEACH our children the things of God.

Parents we are with our kids 7 days a week, and the local church gets them for an hour once a week (maybe) ... it would only make sense that the primary teacher and spiritual discipleship of our children in coming from us ... let's step up to the plate parents! Don't slough that responsibility off on someone else ... jump in and play an active role in their spiritual growth!

Where do I start?

1) Buy a good book (study guide) on whatever you want to learn.
2) Buy a childrens bible devotional - turn the stupid TV off and read it to your child every night before bed.
3) Serve in the the local church you attend ... press in!

We've Got it Backwards

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I was thinking about marriage again today and I just had this thought as I was sitting next to my wife at the pool; we've got it backwards.

When we first meet that special someone we chase them, date them, love them, call them, buy gifts for them, think of them, tell other people about them, compliment them, go places with them, we want to be with them all the time ... we spend many hours on the phone talking to them, we tell them how much we care for them, on and on it goes ... then we MARRY THEM. And all that "dating" stuff STOPS.

And then we wonder, "I don't know what happened ... it was great when we were dating ... we've just grown a part ..."

So, I am here to tell you that we've got it backwards ... all that "dating" stuff above should be for marriage!

And if you use your kids, job or life as your excuse why you don't ... you are just making lame excuses! Yes, I will agree that you have to get a bit more creative and put a little more effort into it, but it can be done. We trade childcare with another couple we are friends with so we can at least get 2 official dates a month.

So, if this is you, back it up and reverse it!

Rich Poor

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I get frustrated with myself and others as we complain about "not having enough money" when we are really rich; especially when you compare what we have and what the rest of the world has... I am ashamed of my attitude!

Just a couple of questions for us to consider when tempted to complain about not having enough:

1) Do you have a place to sleep indoors?
2) Do your cars sleep indoors?
3) Did you eat yesterday? Will you eat today?
4) Did you eat all you wanted?
5) Did you have enough water to drink?
6) Do you have a TV? How many?
7) Do your TV's have cable? Or a DVD Player attached?
8) Do you have at least one pair of shoes?
9) Do you have at least one shirt, and a pair of pants?
10) Do you wash in a public lake, or do you have running water inside your house?
11) Do you have a computer, cell phone, any kind of game unit?
12) If you have children, do they have clothes, more toys then they can even play with, food when they are hungry, water when they are thirsty?
13) Have you gone out to eat in the last month?
14) Have you gone to a movie theater to watch a show in the last month?
15) If you had to, could you come up with $100 today?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, then you are better off then 70% of this world! Stop complaining and be thankful.

Disclaimer: Nothing wrong with having these things and more! But please be thankful, and generous! If everything you have is just for you and yours ... you've got a problem; you don't have money, it has you!

Luke 12:28 "...From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more."

Unhappily Ever After

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Marriage works best when each spouse serves the other as if they were perfect! Rather then what we typically do (because we don't feel like doing it the other way) which is to treat the other person like we feel they are treating us. This is the cycle of doom.

He doesn't love me, therefor I will not love him, and because she won't love me, I won't love her ... on and on it goes. Usually this scenario ends in divorce. Or at least ends in two people just living unhappily ever after!

Neither wants this cycle of doom, yet both continue to feed it through pride. And I see this a lot, and I am tempted to jump into it myself from time to time (even though you understand Jana is perfect there are those rare occasions she doesn't do just what I would like her to do). I think we all are tempted from time to time to jump our of the happy ship, into the unhappy ship of doom.

Jesus tells us to to "love our enemies." Wow, what a challenge. Hopefully our spouse hasn't become our enemy, but sometimes they can feel like it. And they become difficult, if not impossible, in our minds, to love. But the Bible also tells us that "all things are possible with God."

So maybe, just maybe you are looking at your spouse for all that he/she ISN'T, and treated him/her like they AIN'T? When you should be treating them like they are ALL THAT and a BAG OF BEANS. Love him/her like he/she is all you ever had hoped for ... and see what happens. Seriously!

I can hear someone saying; "But Timmy he isn't all that and a bag of beans ... he is all that and a bag of poop." Well, maybe, just maybe he has become the person he has been told he is? You call him a lazy bum, so he is a lazy bum? MMMMMMMMM?

This is called complimenting and encouraging our spouses to be all they can be ... helping them become a better person!

Well I gotta run, but just try it ... if you are married SERVE YOUR SPOUSE! Call him/her RIGHT now and REPENT for whatever happened this morning, or last night and say "I love you ... I've been stressed, you've been stressed, there's a lot going on in our lives ... and I love you and believe in you!"

Peace!

Content

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Why I write what I write:

I have been asked before WHY I write about what I write about here on my blog, and that is a good question. Sometimes I write on whatever I am reading or studying at the time, other times (majority)I write as a result of emails from you the reader wanting to know about certain things, and sometimes it's just something I have pulled out of left field.

If you've been reading my blog at any length at all over the years I am sure you have noticed I write a lot about Marriage (and all things related ... like sex, communication, love, adultery, etc.) And the reason for this is that I have a real passion to help couples grow a healthy marriage AND I receive a ton of emails asking me about such things.

So just FYI ... if you have a question, whether it's spiritual, marital, emotional, personal, or professional that you'd like me to address Anonymously, then this is the place to do it.

In memo put: "Blog Question"

Email: pastor@mercychurchKC.com

I pray that your life is all that you want it to be!

My 40th Birthday Ride

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Going off my earlier blog entry; Making Memories, I just returned home from my first road trip on a motorcycle. I and three friends left Kansas City Monday, June 1 at about 8:30am and arrived in Eureka Springs, Arkansas at about 6:00pm, butts soar, deaf from the noise of the load pipes and the wind blowing at 65 mph right into the ear canal, sun burnt, hungry and flat worn out. It was awesome!

I would assume if I had a cruiser type bike I would have fared much better, but my bike is a small 800 1995 Kawasaki Vulcan that has been customized to make it specifically NOT a bike for long trips. The nickname for my style of bike is a "Bar-hopper" which means its only good for hopping from bar to bar (which I don't do - FYI).

The trip was just amazing, seeing many beautiful sights in the Ozarks ... the roads were absolutely amazing to ride, curvy and open with landscaping done by God on both sides. We took lots of video to capture some of it to show our families.

If you've seen the movie Wild Hogs you will appreciate this; I actually slapped a Bull's butt! I really did! Of course I did it through the fence and you'd probably call it a pat, rather then a slap. But I did touch the Bull! And it's on film to verify!

The part I enjoyed most was the time spent with friends I would say, because without them (Brandon Hollis, Orin Borgelt and Scott Sidebottom) it wouldn't have been near as meaningful ... still beautiful, but the late hour conversations (and cigars) made it an over all magnificent trip I will forever remember. Thanks guys!

One of many memorable moments for me was the trip home; I woke up at my usual 5:30am and thought I'd better check the weather since we had heard there was a major thunderstorm possible the day we were to head home. I checked the radar on my handy-dandy cell phone (what would we do without them) and there was a massive storm moving into the Eureka Springs area with flash flooding possible. It was to hit between 10am - 12pm (the time we were planning to leave). So it's either leave ASAP or wait til the storm passes around 3:00pm and get home late.

I wanted to be home to see my family, and I knew the other guys did as well. So I woke them up at about 6:30am and showed them the radar, then turned on the Weather Channel to further confirm our situation. The RUSH to get out of there began.

We get cleaned up, packed, loaded it's 7:00am and Brandon's bike won't start. So we push his HUGE cruiser bike up a HUGE hill so he can try to jump start it ... after we push it up the hill he tries one more time to push the little start button, and it starts (good thing we had pushed him up the hill). It's dark and quiet and not because the suns not out, it's cloudy, stormy ... eerie, and cold!

We get gas and hit the road, I of course didn't plan on the temperature dropping below 80, since it is June. But it was down in the 60's, which is doable unless you get rained on, which we did but I was the only one without a rain suit! Not only is it hard to ride in the rain because you feel like you are being shot by a pump action Daisey BB Gun by 100 10 year olds in the face, it's very hard to see, plus it's slick.

So there I am wet, cold, hypothermia is setting in (not really, though I did have the uncontrollable chills) and we are a long way from home. We stopped to recover for a minute and get me some dry clothes and a custom made trash bag rain suit donated to me from the sympathetic convenient store owner for the 8 mile trip to the nearest Wal-mart so I could get a real rain suit. We buy the $10.88 rain suit, put it on, and get back on the bikes ... no more rain! Go figure, the rest of the ride was fabulous!

All that said, it makes the list for memorable moments for 2009!

Sex - A Gift

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I think we have forgotten that Sex is a gift from God to couples who have entered into covenant with each other - what we refer to as "marriage."

I know, I know, I sound "old fashion" or "fuddy duddy" or even "ultra-traditional" here, but it's true. But I only bring this up, not to further frustrate the single person, but to encourage the married person ... HAVE SEX, and lots of it! Sex is something that God has blessed you and your spouse with ... it's a gift FROM GOD to YOU and your spouse ... enjoy the gift! Often!

TIPS TO MAKING LOVE-MAKING EXCITING

1) Find new places to do it.
2) Find new ways to do it.
3) Find other ways to pleasure one another besides the old faithful. (The "old faithful" is the normal thing ... change it up)
4) Buy a Kama-sutra book - read and follow instructions!
5) If you have kids in the home - then take advantage of any time they are gone or outside playing. (You can clean the house later ... just lock the doors)
6) See how many times a day you can do it!
7) See how many times in one night you can do it!
9) Spend an hour just touching and kissing.
10) Play Doctor.

Enjoy!

Greener Grass

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Maybe you've heard it said, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". I am here to tell you that that isn't true! Or should I say there is a reason it is true in some cases!

Of course I am referring to marriage here ... this happens to all marriages at some point along the way, but hopefully gets corrected quickly before you mess things up. Just like a plane flying across country has to "course correct" many times along the way, so do marriages!

So you get married to your "perfect spouse" ... lol, right? All you could see back then was ALL the great traits, all the reasons you just had to marry this guy or girl! Side note here: I officiate about 25 plus weddings a year, and this is true! I will ask these starry-eyed couples; "is there anything that bothers you about your future spouse that we should talk about and figure out before you walk the isle?" Typically the response is always, "Oh no, we never fight ... I guess we are just made for each other (giggle, giggle..."

I always sit there laughing inside thinking, "oh there will come a day that you'll have a LIST of things that bother you!" But this is the way most all of us started out.

So what happens? Easy ... back in the dating days we maximized the traits we liked, and minimized the traits we didn't like ... therefor the GRASS WAS GREENER AT HOME! Hence the reason you walked the isle, signed the contract, said some vows, even shed a tear of joy and changed your last name. But after time that switches and we maximize the traits we hate, and minimize (forget) the traits we like ... and we then maximize the traits we like of someone else and minimize the traits we don't like of someone else... this is when the grass starts becoming greener on the other side of the fence! Because now you are watering over the fence!

I know that marriage issues are vast and complicated, but I am pretty confident when I say, "I can help couples fix most any marriage issue they have." IF (always an IF in there) ... IF they are willing to do what I tell them to do!

Bible Reading Plan - weeks 23 - 29

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Week 23

June 1
Proverbs 4-6

June 2
Proverbs 7-9

June 3
Proverbs 10-12

June 4
Proverbs 13-15

June 5
Proverbs 16-18

June 6
Proverbs 19-21

June 7
Proverbs 22-24

Week 24

June 8
1 Kings 5-6; 2 Chronicles 2-3

June 9
1 Kings 7; 2 Chronicles 4

June 10
1 Kings 8; 2 Chronicles 5

June 11
2 Chronicles 6-7; Psalms 136

June 12
Psalms 134, 146-150

June 13
1 Kings 9; 2 Chronicles 8

June 14
Proverbs 25-26


Week 25

June 15
Proverbs 27-29

June 16
Ecclesiastes 1-6

June 17
Ecclesiastes 7-12

June 18
1 Kings 10-11; 2 Chronicles 9

June 19
Proverbs 30-31

June 20
1 Kings 12-14

June 21
2 Chronicles 10-12

Week 26

June 22
1 Kings 15:1-24; 2 Chronicles 13-16

June 23
1 Kings 15:25-16:34; 2 Chronicles 17

June 24
1 Kings 17-19

June 25
1 Kings 20-21

June 26
1 Kings 22; 2 Chronicles 18

June 27
2 Chronicles 19-23

June 28
Obadiah; Psalms 82-83


Week 27

June 29
2 Kings 1-4

June 30
2 Kings 5-8

July 1
2 Kings 9-11

July 2
2 Kings 12-13; 2 Chronicles 24

July 3
2 Kings 14; 2 Chronicles 25

July 4
Jonah

July 5
2 Kings 15; 2 Chronicles 26

Week 28

July 6
Isaiah 1-4

July 7
Isaiah 5-8

July 8
Amos 1-5

July 9
Amos 6-9

July 10
2 Chronicles 27; Isaiah 9-12

July 11
Micah

July 12
2 Chronicles 28; 2 Kings 16-17

Week 29

July 13
Isaiah 13-17

July 14
Isaiah 18-22

July 15
Isaiah 23-27

July 16
2 Kings 18:1-8; 2 Chronicles 29-31; Psalms 48

July 17
Hosea 1-7

July 18
Hosea 8-14

July 19
Isaiah 28-30