Kansas City's Matchmaker

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I have people say to me all the time, "Hey if you meet a really great guy/gal keep me in mind!" Or, "Hey if you meet a winner make sure to hook me up!" Basically what they are asking is for me to be a "Matchmaker" and I love it. I love the idea so much I recently uploaded a short video on facebook requesting singles to send me their info and I'd help them meet some people.

I honestly had no expectations. Maybe I'd get one, maybe two people interested ... no, I had 30 people. Crazy awesome! I actually got so many that I am rethinking just how I am going to do this and keep track of it all.

So here is the deal: All those who submit themselves for my Matchmaking Service between now and Valentine's Day will get it FREE for (1) year, after Valentine's Day (February 14, 2016) there will be a nominal fee. (More on that later)

WHY HIRE A MATCHMAKER?

I've always thought it was a brilliant idea. It has nothing to do with me now offering it, but I really think the concept is fantastic! I have several reasons for this, and I have had these reasons confirmed as being helpful with singles I know.

1) As a Matchmaker I will be objective in the selection process, rather than emotional.

Why is this important? Simple, when you are emotional about the process you often will make poor decisions rather than making the right decision. For example, I have worked with many singles over the years who continue to date the wrong kind of person. Not because they are bad, or even the kind of person who normally makes poor choices. In fact this particular person I am thinking of now is very successful in her career, but she continues to make poor choices when it comes to dating. (I am sure many of you can relate!)

2) A Matchmaker can save you much heartache.

Again, like #1 a Matchmaker (I) will not pair you with someone that is not a fit. Let's say you are highly religious, and faith plays a huge role in your life. Well I will not "match" you with someone who is an atheist. Nor would I want to do that to an atheist. I would match him with another atheist, or someone who doesn't care about matters faith. Make sense? And this is hugely helpful because I can't tell you how many people have "falling with feelings for someone" and it only ended with heartache later because they weren't a good match. And I would have seen that when looking at matches.

3) Matchmaking is more than just matching you with someone.

I will be helping singles with all the facets of dating life. I will help people, if those who are willing to humble themselves and listen, with their style, personal development, their emotional state, their etiquette, and so on. Things that definitely make a difference when dating. Some people don't care about these things, and that is fine if you are looking for someone who also doesn't care about those things. But, if you care but just don't know or just haven't taken action, I will help. 

4) Save time.

Many single people just don't have time to date. And as a Matchmaker I will be doing the searching for you which saves you time. Plus you won't have to go on 10 dates to only find out they aren't a fit. I will only connect you with someone I feel is a real candidate. 

5) You are looking for true love.

I know some people are just looking to "hook up" ... well I am not in the hook up business. As a matter of fact not everyone who wants me to be their matchmaker will get me. If I feel that they are a douchebag than I won't have anything to do with them. I am only looking for quality people who are in search of love.

If you are interested, or know someone interesting in my Matchmaking Service, please email me, or have them email me before February 14, 2016 to get in for a FREE year!

Satisfying Sex

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One of the most common complaints I hear from couples is that their sex life is lacking. Typically the guy feels that their not having enough sex. To be fair I have almost had as many women share the same sentiment.  And again, 'typically' the girl feels it's not as romantic or as passionate as she wished it was. So basically both are experiencing sexual frustration. Nearly every relationship will face sexual frustration at some point. It's normal. But not normal continue on that way for very long ... it's something you should work on to overcome.

There are many reasons for this, and there is no need to talk about all that. But what I feel is important to talk about is how to achieve satisfying sex in your relationship.

 THREE SIMPLE KEYS TO HAVING SATISFYING SEX

1) Have an open and honest conversation about your expectations, likes, dislikes, dreams, desires, and/or fantasies.

I am amazed at how many couples I talk to who have not had this conversation with their partner. I mean this is like the first step in having any satisfaction in any area of life really. Talk openly and honestly about it. Your partner can not read your mind and most likely will do what they like if you don't tell them what YOU like. It's essentially like learning your partner's 'sexual' love language.

And what happens is that secret fantasies and desires will lead to issues in the relationship if not discussed openly and honestly. It's not good to have secrets. And I can tell you as a guy who is coming up on my 22nd Wedding Anniversary ... you might not have had some fantasies (likes, dislikes, etc) early on, but you'll develop some. Again, like so many things in life that change and develop over time, so do your desires, tastes and interests. 

Your partner should know what you like, what you don't like, what you wish for, dream about, fantasies about. Why? So they can play a role in fulfilling those, if possible.

Obviously I am speaking within the normal zone of "fantasies" here. Some fantasies you may just have to live without. But most likely your fantasies fall within the "normal" and "moral" zone and can be fulfilled by your partner. But to live with those fantasies and not share is just not good at all. 

Honestly, if you do this first thing really really well, the other two should hopefully play out just fine!

2) You must be a willing participant.  

In a loving committed relationship there should always be a willingness to meet our partners needs. I mean isn't that a huge part of what we're in the relationship for anyway? To give to someone else, not just get something from them. It's a give and take deal. Mutually beneficial.   

3) Let down your guard.

We all have hangups about things. And most people have insecurities when it comes to sex. It's very normal. But again just because it's normal doesn't mean it's a good thing. We must let down our guard when dealing with sexual issues within our relationship. 

Here is what I am learning about relationships, and I do mean ALL of them ... the good, the bad and the ugly. And that is this, it does no good to hit a snag (like sexual tension) and jump ship to only find out that there will come a time in that relationship there will be sexual tension, and so on. Work hard on the one you are in, especially if you are married ... have the tough conversations, it will often lead to great joy and fulfillment. 

Thoughts? Questions?

For Private Questions? Email me: timmy@timmygibson.com 

 

Forget Me Not

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Forget Me Not - 1.jpg

It's quite possible you are feeling 'forgotten' in your relationship, and if not maybe you are the one who has forgotten, and it's your partner who feels 'forgotten'. Either way it happens to all of us. 

I think we all feel like we worked so hard to get someone to fall in love with us that once we've gotten them to love us, we're done. We've conquered, we've won, we've captured, we've "hunted and killed" as they say. But what we did to get our partner is typically what we need to do to keep them. It's not over once you walk the aisle. It's only just begun! 

Too many times we assume our partner knows how much we love them. We think, "I told you I loved you on our wedding day, surely that's enough, right!? " Ha ha! And if I can trail off here for a second and say, it's no wonder she isn't as interested in sex anymore... you aren't paying as much attention to her, she feels forgotten.  When you first met you were doing it "like rabbits," but of course you were calling her 20 times a day, doing special things, saying special things, etc. Just sayin! I would imagine if you started doing all the things you did when you first met maybe you'd find everything would go back to those early days.

No one wants to feel forgotten in a relationship. And frankly no one even wants to even feel 2nd place. We want to be 1st place. We want to be #1. And when we're not, troubles are likely ahead, so it's important to correct it fast.

A Few Simple Things To Let Them Know You Haven't Forgotten Them

1) Use Your Words.

2) Notes, Cards.

3) Small Gifts.

4) What Do They Like To Do? Take them to do that!

5) Small Get-Getaways.

6) Get Creative ... put some thought into it.

Make and take time for each other! You'll be so glad you did! 

 

Just Let It Happen

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I remember back when I was single and I wanted to be married so bad. I was on the search for that special someone. I was going on two and three dates a week, frantically looking for love. And it wasn't until I just let it happen that it finally did happen ... now 22 years ago! I don't feel that old! Ha ha!

So this blog is for those of you in the "dating" phase of life! Listen up, this will help you in so many ways. Frankly it could save you from marrying the wrong person and being miserable and one day getting divorced! Yeah, for realz!

Calm the freak down! Don't be desperate. Have faith that the right person is out there and you don't need to go crazy to find them, they will come to you! I promise! Of course, if you live under a rock then maybe we should figure something else out. I am a firm believer that God (or whatever it is you believe in: the stars, the planet, mother earth, etc) will bring you together. The most important thing is that you are working on yourself! 

I believe that spending energy on being the best version of yourself is way more important than the energy you would spend in desperate search of the "right" person. Then when you meet that person, relax just let it happen. 

One of the worst things I've seen people do when they meet someone they really like is live out of fear of losing them rather than thankfulness for having met them. (that is a twittable quote right there!) And when you live out of fear you do things you wouldn't normally do, you say things you wouldn't normally say, you act in a way that's no longer attractive. Does this make sense? 

I've done it, you've done it ... acted almost neurotic? You even have said to yourself, "what am I doing ... I am losing myself here! Why am I doing this?" I recently told a single person I was coaching, "Live out of love, live out of faith, live out of compassion, live out of peace, live out of joy and then you will be so attractive and desireable."  Plus, it's important to be the person you are normally so you don't attract someone who likes the crazy version of you when that's not really you. Make sense? You want to make sure they are falling in love with the right person, who you really are, not the nutty version of you. 

It's important to not be bringing undue stress into the relationship, you want to be bringing love, joy and peace into the relationship. Relationships are stressful enough, it's not helpful when you add to it because we are living out of fear rather than thankfulness! 

Let me know your thoughts! Please comments!

"I'm Just Not The Affectionate Type"

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HAVE YOU EVER HEARD SOMEONE SAY THIS, "WELL I'M JUST NOT THE AFFECTIONATE TYPE"? TO THAT I WOULD SAY THAT MAYBE YOU'RE NOT THE "CLEAN TYPE," BUT YOU'VE LEARNED TO TAKE SHOWERS, BRUSH YOUR TEETH, AND COMB YOUR HAIR, ETC. AFFECTION CAN BE LEARNED AND GIVEN EVEN IF "YOU'RE NOT THE AFFECTIONATE TYPE."

IN MY OPINION IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER WHAT "TYPE" OF PERSON YOU ARE, YOU CAN AND SHOULD GIVE YOUR PARTNER WHAT THEY WANT AND NEED FROM YOU! IT'S CONFUSING TO ME WHEN I COUNSEL A COUPLE AND ONE IS ASKING FOR SOMETHING REASONABLE FROM THEIR PARTNER AND HE/SHE IS UNWILLING TO GIVE IT TO THEM. 

WHEN A WIFE SAYS TO HER HUSBAND, "I WISH YOU'D HOLD MY HAND." AND HE CONTINUES TO NOT DO THIS SIMPLE TASK OF HOLDING HER HAND, EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO HER IS BAFFLING. SAME GOES FOR A HUSBAND WHO IS SWEET AND WISHES TO HAVE MORE PHYSICAL INTIMACY AND COMMUNICATES THIS TO HIS WIFE AND SHE CONTINUES TO BE TOO BUSY, HAVE WAY TOO MANY HEADACHES, AND OTHER EXCUSES. I WALK AWAY THINKING TO MYSELF, WHY IN THE WORLD DID THEY EVEN GET MARRIED IF THEY ARE NOT GOING TO DO EVERYTHING THAT CAN TO FULFILL THEIR PARTNER'S REASONABLE AND REALISTIC NEEDS AND DESIRES. 

SO IF YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT THE "AFFECTIONATE" TYPE, I UNDERSTAND THAT AND GET THAT IT MAY NOT COME NATURALLY TO YOU. MOST LIKELY YOU GREW UP IN A NOT-SO-AFFECTIONATE HOME, AND IT IS WHAT IT IS. BUT YOU CAN LEARN TO BE MORE AFFECTIONATE. ESPECIALLY IF THOSE AROUND YOU DESIRE IT. 

I GREW UP IN A VERY AFFECTIONATE HOME, I DIDN'T SAY "OVERLY AFFECTIONATE" FAMILY LIKE ON SNL, HA HA! BUT WE HUGGED, KISSED, AND GAVE VERBAL AFFIRMATIONS ALL DAY EVERYDAY AND I AM THANKFUL FOR IT. I WILL HUG, KISS AND SAY , "I LOVE YOU!" TO MY KIDS WHO ARE NOW TEEANGERS! AND THEY APPRECIATE IT. 

NOW MAYBE YOUR PARTNER HAS USED THIS EXCUSE FOR WHY HE/SHE DOESN'T SHOW AFFECTION? IF SO, LET THEM READ THIS BLOG POST AND BEGIN TO CHANGE AND BECOME MORE AFFECTIONATE! BUT I WOULD SAY, BE SYMPATHETIC TO THEIR STRUGGLE. IF THEY DIDN'T GROW UP IN A HOME THAT WAS AFFECTIONATE IT CAN TRULY BE FOREIGN TO THEM. IT WOULD ALMOST BE LIKE BEING EXPECTED TO SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE WITHOUT TRAINING. IT MAY TAKE TIME, BE SWEET, AND CONTINUE TO BE AFFECTIONATE AND COMMUNICATE. THEY'LL COME ALONG, HOPEFULLY!  

Jealous Much

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adjective
1.
inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

Jealousy can drive you crazy! And it can drive the person on the other end of that jealousy crazy too! There are different kinds of jealousy, but specifically the one I am tackling today is the kind defined above that stems from a lack of trust for your partner.

Now, we all deal with jealousy on some level, it comes from our own insecurities. We don't feel good enough, so when someone we feel is 'better than us' comes around it stirs up our insecurities and jealousy is often what manifests. Of course inappropriate behavior can also create a little jealousy in someone as well. All that aside I want to speak to the one who struggles with jealousy towards their partner.

Let me start with a story about me. I was a jealous person early on in my relationship with my wife Jana, now in our 22nd year of marriage. I was jealous even when guys would look at her. And I really would be bothered if she spoke to other guys. I know, immature! I know that now. But nonetheless it was real to me. And it had a very negative effect on our relationship. Jana of course disliked it very much, and frankly it was bothersome to me too. I just didn't know how to overcome it.

What you can do to overcome jealousy in your relationship

1) Admit you have a jealousy problem.

2) Prayed for God's help to overcome it.

3) Say outloud, "I am a secure trusting person!" everyday.

4) Act opposite from what your jealous feelings tell you.

What I mean is that when you feel jealous and wanted to say something, or do something that reflects that jealousy withframe. And do the very thing you would do if you weren't jealous.

It has taken me more years than I wish to admit but I am understanding more and more that freedom is an environment that love can really really grow!

Bottomline

I am Jana's, and she is mine ... I trust that is true and I trust her. If she was to act in such a way that would prove otherwise than we'd deal with that, but until then I trust. And there is no point in being jealous of anyone else, I couldn't stop her if she wanted to leave anyway. And if our relationship is so fragile that if she was to talk to someone better looking, taller, better fit, with more money and she wanted to leave ... do I really want someone like that anyway? No I don't. Does this make sense?

Thoughts & Comments are welcome!   

 

The Marriage You've Always Wanted

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What: Timmy & Jana's Relationship Talk
When: Sunday, February 22
Time: 10:00 am - 11:15 am
Where: Mercy Church
Location: 7457 Cherokee Dr. Prairie Village, KS 66208
Phone: (913) 390-1200
Price: FREE
Childcare provided!

I would like to personally invite you to join me and Jana as we finish up our Relationship Series with, The Marriage You've Always Wanted! This Sundays talk will be one of the most powerful and transforming talks we've ever given on marriage. If you live in the Kansas City area, or even within 45 minutes I would get here for it. It will transform your relationship no matter what condition it's in. And the reason is; YOU will be transformed! 

Make plans to come a little early to grab a Fresh Cup of Premium Coffee and a Dunkin Donuts in our Fellowship Hall, our gift to you just for coming!

How To Get A Date For Valentine's Day

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I was "dating" in a day and age when there was no such thing as "online date sites," in fact personal computers were just coming out and I couldn't afford one. And not to mention Al Gore hadn't invented the internet yet. (ha ha)

I think that "online dating," is helpful for many people, especially those who live in a small town, work a lot, or may be an introvert. I have officiated hundreds of weddings for couples who found true love online. But I want to challenge you to get dates the old fashion way, which I think (in my humble opinion) work just as well as the online way.

To get a date by Valentine's Day it only really requires one thing; Courage!


  • If you see someone you find attractive or interesting, go talk to them!

If you see someone with great hair, pretty eyes, or nice shoes, have the courage to tell them. Overcome the fear! Now, don't be weird or creepy about it! That would work against you. Just be calm, cool and collected. Don't let fear keep you from possibly meeting the person of your dreams. Seriously, you may be the very person they have been dreaming about, don't be selfish. Be bold, be courageous!

It's important to not play the, "what if" game; what if they turn me down? What if they laugh? What if they slap me? First, they won't slap you (unless you are inappropriate or rude! Then you deserve it.) The important thing to think is; what if they say yes?

I challenge you to live by this rule: Don't say people's no for them! Give them the opportunity to say yes, or no. We shouldn't make the decision for them. Live fearless! Have fun!


Disclaimer: Obviously this is for singles! And I am NOT talking about "hooking up" I am talking about going on legit dates. I do not encourage or support the "hookup" lifestyle. I am hoping to help singles who are genuinely looking for that someone special, and have fun in the process.

7 Things Every Marriage Needs

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This is the most popular relationship talk that we have given at Mercy Church. It is what we have every couple we marry watch as a way to kick start them developing a wonderful relationship with each other. These are foundational characteristics from which most all the necessary charastics flow.

If you have been married 50 years, or 3 years ... these are worth looking at and making sure they are a part of your relationship! Watch and enjoy, and share with your friends!