I have been in ministry for 22 years and each year I hear reports of pastors
having extramarital affairs. And over the last few years it’s been pastors I
know personally, and some would be considered close friends. I just received a
call the other day that another friend I’ve known for the last 10 years has
fallen.
It breaks my heart each time I hear of another pastor falling into sexual
sin. It’s disconcerting, sad, frustrating, disheartening, scary, confusing, disappointing
and hurtful. I am not even sure all the emotions it raises in me … but
primarily one of great sadness. And not only for the one who had the affair,
but for all those affected; the people he pastored, the city he pastored in,
his family, and of course the person he had the affair with. So many people
affected in these scenarios. In recent years my family was affected by a good friend,
who is (was) a pastor, who had an affair. It is absolutely devastating for
everyone involved!
To answer the QUESTION,
“Why Do Pastors Have Affairs?” I would say that the
simple answer is that Pastors have affairs for the very same reason any person
has an affair. Pastors are no different than anyone else in the world, though
they are viewed as someone who should be living a higher life. And frankly I do
believe that this is something that should be considered by anyone looking to
become a minister; can you live holy and be above approach? I understand this,
for I am a pastor. Although people shouldn’t look at pastors any different than
they do anyone else, but they do. It comes with the job. It’s called, “living
in a glass house.”
Let’s unpack this a little here, shall we!
Reasons Pastors (people) Have Affairs
1)
The Marriage Relationship is Broken.
Every relationship has its
issues, but if something in the relationship is broken there should be
continuous effort given, by both parties, to resolve the issue.
2)
They are broken.
Every human being is
broken on some level and capable of the greatest of evil. Just like in a
relationship we should seek to resolve issues with each other, we also ought to
resolve our own issues that reside deep within.
3)
Their spouse is broken.
Same as above.
4) Opportunity.
This one surprises many
people, because they will typically say, “I would never have an affair!” And
that is just an ignorant statement that we’ve all made, even those who have had
affairs have made that statement. We are all capable of having an affair,
especially if given the right circumstances; opportunity. No one is exempt! We
all must guard ourselves.
5) Selfish & Immoral
Some people are just
selfish and immoral and have affairs because they want to have affairs and have
no moral compass keeping them from such activity. They do it because they want
to do it. Most likely you cannot help these people, unless you can help them
see that they are wrong.
To Be Continued … Ways to Protect
Yourself from Having an Affair
