Trust Overcomes Stress

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One of the things that we all face is stress! Financial stress, family stress, relational stress … ugh! Sometimes it can almost be overwhelming. Have you ever felt stressed? Have you ever had that sinking feeling that made you wonder, “Are we going to make it?” Are you dealing with those feelings now?

These feelings plague us all; I hope it is of some comfort to know that you are not alone! I know, I know, sometimes that is no comfort, but if you apply it correctly it is. Here is what I mean; God is with us in those darkest moments of stress! We are not alone!

I believe that biggest and most important key to overcoming stress is trust! Total and complete trust! I know one of the biggest stressors for most of us is financial stress. It was strange for me to find this true for even the wealthiest friends I talked to. They even claim having more financial stress as they have more to be worried about. More people counting on them, depending on them and their wealth to care for so many people. So how does “trust” help us overcome “stress”? I find it here in my favorite scripture of all time …

Proverbs 3:1-10 My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. 3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.[a] 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. 8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. 9 Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

It’s right there, v. 5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart …” v.6 “in all your ways submit to Him …” and one way we TRUST the Lord is to v.9 “Honor the Lord with your wealth …” many people hold tight to what they have and don’t even trust a portion of it to the Lord.

Now I am not talking about giving God what you might give a homeless person on the street corner, but really honoring God with a portion of your wealth. Many debate this, but I see the Bible teaching the principle of giving a tenth (tithe – 10%) to your local church (the community that you benefit from). Some interpret it different, but there is no interpretation that teaches stinginess. The Bible clearly teaches generosity!

One way I measure this in my own heart is by asking myself several questions, like, "If what I give to God was to be made public, would I be embarrassed about it?” I mean, “ … in proportion to what I earn do I feel good about what I give to God through my local church?” Another question I consider is, "if everyone in my church community gave like I did, how well would it be funded, if at all?" Not always an easy question, but again if we truly want to Trust and Honor God, then we must ask ourselves these questions. The last one I ask, because I enjoy coffee is, “Do I spend more at Starbucks each month, than I give to my local church?” Ouch! I wouldn't feel good about coming to the end of a year and having spent $500 on coffee, and only contributing $250 to my church.

Challenge: Trust God with your finances! Begin supporting the church community that you are a part of and that you find meaning from and in; contribute. Start where you can with what you can this Sunday, and I promise you will be so thrilled you did. And not only that, but when you begin to give to your church it will actually increase the love you have for the church you attend! I know at the church I pastor those who give are the ones who not only seem to be the happiest members, but the most interested in seeing it do well and fulfill God's purpose. Giving shows your love and gratitude.

PK (Preacher's Kid) Struggles

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It’s tough being a PK (Preacher’s Kid)! It’s tough just being a kid! And let’s be real here, being a parent is tough! I’m a parent who is also a pastor, so my kids are PK’s, obviously, and they tell me about their struggles. I was talking to my teenage daughter the other day and I asked her, “Do you feel pressure from me to measure up? She said, “Dad, I don’t feel the pressure from you or the church, but I feel it from everyone else at school! It’s like they expect me to be perfect.” I found that surprising, yet somewhat comforting to know that she didn’t feel pressure from me, but saddened that she did feel pressure. I am certain she also puts pressure on herself being that she is a PK.  I try real hard to not be the over-the-top-hard-core-strict-religious-freak-pastor-parent-guy! No offense to those of you who are the over-the-top-hard-core-strict-religious-freak-pastor-parent-type! (ha ha!) Don’t get me wrong, I am sure I put some pressure on our kids, not intentional, but I’m not perfect and it’s hard not to.

Disclaimer: I do not have the answers on being a parent just yet! I can tell you what we do, and what seems to work, so far, but we are in the phase of still trying to figure it all out … we are stumbling along the way! We definitely fall on the side of believing the best thing for our kids is letting them know we love them like crazy!

In our home we allow our kids to be normal kids. We don’t freak out if they cuss, or make them listen to only Christian Music, or read only Christian Books, or only watch Christian-themed movies, or wear weird Christian clothing. If we hear an inappropriate song they are listening to we don’t always make them turn it off. Of course depending on how inappropriate, we have been known to say, “Is that a new song by Satan?” (Said in the Saturday Night Live Dana Carvey Church Lady voice Lol!) We don’t make them read their Bible every day, we don’t make them pray, or do anything like that. Now we do encourage those things, but we do not force them to love God. I don’t think that ever works, at least from what I have seen.

I would say for the most part, and I believe both my kids would agree, we are a somewhat normal family. I mean, yes our lives are centered around God and the church on many levels and we do pray before meals, and at bedtime and when they are sick, we have many conversations about God, Jesus, the church, living right, talking right, making right choices, etc. But I would assume most families have those same discussions, ours may be just a bit more God-centric than most. We have actually encountered several non-religious families with more rules, regulations and restrictions than we have. Every family is different, I am pretty sure there isn’t ONE right way, unless of course you are one of those weird religious wing-nuts that feels you are right about everything … then of course your way is the right way! (I digress!)


The only advice I really have for parents is to pray a lot! Seriously! I do pray more now that I have a teenage daughter, because I know that God is ultimately the only one who can ever make a real lasting difference in a person’s life. Of course a person must be open to that, and want it for themselves. And secondly, as parents we must remember that more is CAUGHT than TAUGHT! Don’t just preach it, LIVE it! 

A Growing Love

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I do find myself thinking a lot about Love. I love love. I love romantic movies, I love romantic songs, I love love poems, I love weddings … I love helping people with their love issues. I find it so fascinating this whole love thing that happens between two people. And the question that I am asked so often is in reference to making love last a life-time. And there are no easy answers of course! But I will take a stab at it.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

What typically draws us to a person is some physical attraction. We like someone’s body, or how they are dressed, or some specific part of their body, eyes, lips, hair, tush, their smile, etc.   Or we may love their way, say for example if they are successful, or wealthy, etc. For example you may find someone sexy, and you are attracted to the sexiness you feel from them. And sometimes you are attracted to something and you can’t quit put your finger on it, there is just some magnetism that is pulling you toward someone. You just are attracted to them, and you aren't even sure why, but you are. And then from there it has the potential to grow into a real relationship. But that initial attraction is not something that you can build a life-long relationship on, even though in the movies they portray you can. Now, it can be a great start for sure! When I first laid eyes on my wife I was very hot and bothered (is that okay to say?) and still do this day some 20 years later I am!

I am sure there is someone reading this blog and thinking, “well I was all hot and bothered when I met my X too, and now it’s over.” And that is why I say that, “hot and bothered” is not the key! It does play a role in the beginning, but often only a small role in the initial pursuit, but creating a life-long love relationship takes a lot more.

Typically when you meet someone there is that initial attraction and from there love can either grow into something really special or begin to die a painful slow death. That’s why you often hear ‘friends’ say, “We grew to love each other.” And this can even happen without the initial attraction. There are so many factors in that initial attraction phase. Where we are, where they are, and not just physical location, but emotionally, and spiritually. So basically given the right situation, with the right person, and the right time you may not have that initial attraction, but change the surrounding situations and maybe you would have that initial attraction. Make sense?

LOVE CAN GROW

I am a firm believer that just like a lawn (grass) can grow healthier over time IF we put the right things in; it’s the same for love. It can, and will, grow IF we are putting the right things in. Now, I am making the assumption that BOTH people are putting the right stuff in … one person can’t carry a relationship forever, they will eventually wear out and give up. It’s just too hard to do alone. It takes two!

Let me throw a little disclaimer in here – If you are single and dating someone and finding it difficult for the love to grow, it may mean they are NOT the right one for you, that’s why it’s so difficult. And you may want to cut your losses and move on. And on the other hand if you are married and it’s difficult for the love to grow, I highly recommend you do everything you can to pour into that love relationship to increase its chances of growing again. I mean you obviously had enough love there to marry this person, surely you can find that love again? And nurture it! Don’t-cha think? I do.  I realize that many times love is so lost that it’s hard, if not impossible to ‘find it’ again, but I feel it is worth a shot.

No love relationship is without their challenge, that’s just life. And anyone who tells you different is either lying or they actually live in separate houses and their only married on paper. Ha ha! But seriously, love (marriage) is tough at times, we just gotta be tougher!

TO MY SINGLE FRIENDS


I believe the more we obsess over “finding the right person” we miss it. We miss the forest amongst the trees. Just enjoy life; love will come your way, eventually. I think we become a repellent to love the more we obsess. I do. I am sure you have met those people who are looking so hard for love that they become a little creepy. Ya know what I am talking about, and you may even have that person’s face in your mind right now, ha ha! They are just all up tight, weird, and trying way too hard to impress …  and they end up freaking people out and ultimately pushing any potential “mate” away. Just live, love and enjoy! Chill! It’ll happen at the right time. (obviously you must be smart, and follow your heart, make wise decisions, and get yourself out there to meet other people, ya da ya da! But it will happen. Don’t live out of fear, just have faith) 

10 Ways to Enjoy Being Snowed In

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As we get older the kid in us all seems to die, unfortunately! Why? We think we are too busy, too adult, to mature, too cool, too sophisticated ... all stupid excuses! And we also forget how to have fun! So here are some things we do to enjoy being snowed in at our house!

The assumption is that if you have a significant other you would do all these things TOGETHER! And if you have a family that you do all these things TOGETHER as a family!

1) Shovel Driveway!
2) Build a Snowman!
3) Make cookies!
4) Snuggle by the fireplace! (Or the oven if you don't have a fireplace! Or even in front of the computer with a picture of a burning fireplace!)
5) Make a snow-angel!
6) Have a snow-ball fight!
7) Have a movie marathon!
8) Play some old fashioned board-games!
9) Play hide-n-go-seek inside!
10) Play a game of paint-ball! (Okay, so that wouldn't work ... so use nurf guns!)

Paint Your World in Beautiful Colors

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We create the kind of life we want to live. Obviously there are 'some' things that are out of our control, who our parents are, where we are born, the color of our eyes, etc. etc. But, within each of those things there are a myriad of choices we can make to create the kind of life we want. Let me explain.

I was talking with my teenage daughter today (I know, right ... pray for me!) and she mentioned a fellow student who signed a deal to play football for Auburn University. It was a big deal. And I blurted out, "I bet he doesn't use drugs, or sleep around and do a bunch of typical stupid teenage stuff does he?" She said, "no he doesn't!" And I got to thinking about all of us and how we ought to count the costs of each and every decision we make in life. And ask, "how will this decision affect my future plans?" "Is this what I want from life?" "Will this decision take me places I want to go, or take me away from what I want?"

Powerful questions! Because there are many things that are out of our control, but there are a million things within our control! Who you marry? Will I get pregnant in high school? Will I go to prison? Will I be financially secure? Will I be wealthy? Will I do something great with my life? Will I change the world? Will I follow God or will I follow my peers? Will I make wise decisions, or stupid ones?

We are ultimately in control of so much of our lives, don't think for a minute you are not! Making GOOD choices will only increase the odds of you painting your world in beautiful colors!

Hanky Panky Challenge - Day 1

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Today officially kicks off the 10th Annual Hanky Panky Challenge! And this year I will be giving a "Hanky Panky" idea every day to help you have the best Hanky Panky ever!

IDEA #1:

Take time to sit down and hand write your partner a love note! Not just, "I love you" but really pour your heart out! Tell her/him how you feel down deep. Reflect on the day you met, or the moment you fell in love. Or reminiscence about the first date, or first trip together, etc. Go ahead, get after it!

Happy Hanky Panky!

February's Relationship Series

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Make plans to join me and my wife Jana every *Sunday in February at Mercy Church for our Annual Relationship Series! This is something we do each year to help strengthen relationships. Many couples have used it as a pre-marital counseling class, and have really found the content to be helpful in their relationship.

Location: Belinder Elementary School || 7230 Belinder Ave. ||  Prairie Village, KS 66208  ||
Service Time: 10:00 am (Service lasts about 1 hour)
Cost: FREE

*On kick off Sunday, February 2nd we will be serving a FREE Hot Breakfast before service at 9:00 am if you would like to come early to join us! 

3 Things to Help Make You Happy Today

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If you are anything like the rest of the world, you seek happiness! I know I do! We live in a world with so many things that wants to strip us of the happiness we seek. I have found that in my own life there are just a handful, three to be exact, of things that if I do them regularly lead me to a much more happy life!

1) Doing the things I love doing!

For you it's _____________________________! For me it's creating beautiful things! I love all forms of art (cooking, painting, music, etc) and when I do them I feel a deep sense of satisfaction that leads to a feeling of happiness. What is it for you? Make time for them! If you are too busy to do them, then you are in fact too busy and should cut somethings from your busy life so you can do them.

2) Be with the people I love being with!

The opposite is also true here; don't be with the people you don't want to be with! Easier said then done, huh?! Well it's still true! Cutting bad people from your life is like removing a deadly tumor from your body, it's the start of health and healing.

Once you remove the bad people, fill those times with good people. People who inspire you, encourage you to be and do good! People who believe in you and your dreams.

3) Live the way I want and should live!

 Now this could be misconstrued to mean something I do not mean it to mean. Okay, I say this with the assumption that you want to live a moral upstanding life like Jesus teaches us to live. So with that said, for me this translates in to so many areas of life.

    a. Be honest.
    b. Think good pure thoughts.
    c. Be kind.
    d. Eat healthy.
    e. Exercise
    f. Listen to positive and encouraging music.
   g. Etc.

Does this make sense? I hope so. In other words be true to yourself and to who God made you to be. I see it so much in my counselling practice, people depressed, full of anxiety, fear, turmoil, and the like ... and it all stems from a lesser-lived life. Doing what they know they shouldn't, lying, cheating, stealing, eating bad, skipping going to the gym, and so on. These things lead to an unhappy life every time! Without fail!

And one more for the road ... and this is for the super mature, those who are emotional giants, frankly, I think that could be you! 

4) Decide to be happy!

No matter your situation in life, decide to be happy IN IT! You don't have to be happy ABOUT IT, but rather happy IN IT! I know it can be extremely tough, but happiness is ultimately a choice we must all make. So why not do yourself a favor and chose it for yourself?! You'll be 'happy' you did!

Your Life Matters!


The Cure for Sexual Frustration

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Much of my counseling does involve “sexual” issues. And one common one is the whole “sexual frustration” issue. How to relieve, or release or get relief from “sexual frustration?” I believe I have a really helpful tip that could save you and your partner from having too much sexual frustration. Let’s be honest, sexual frustration is frustrating!

1 VERY HELPFUL TIP TO HELP WITH SEXUAL FRUSTRATION

1) Communicate CLEARLY to your partner when you want sex! (Response of partner) Communicate CLEARLY when that request can be fulfilled.

Very important, if you are on the receiving end of this request, and you can’t or don’t want to have sex at that moment make sure to tell him/her WHEN they can expect to have sex.

From my personal experience; when I am hungry and have no idea when I am going to eat it causes more stress and anxiety and hunger. But if I know that I will be eating a meal at a certain time in the future it helps to calm me down. It’s the same with the sex life! If I want it, and feel I may never get it again (we know this isn't true logically, but typically the sex drive is emotional and can’t be dealt with logically,) it causes much distress! But if I know that tonight after the kids go to bed I will get it. I am fine. Make sense?

So wives, if your husband makes advances and it’s not a good time for you, no problem, just clearly communicate to him WHEN he can have it. Got it? Good! I promise this will be so helpful in relieving sexual frustration and tension between you and your partner.

Here’s the deal, when a man (or woman) get turned down on a sexual advance, it’s not only hurtful to be turned down, but if we don’t know WHEN it will happen it does cause a lot of undo stress emotionally. I don’t feel that in a marriage there should be much turning down, if ever (I am serious here!) But on those rare occasions when you are turning your partner down be thoughtful enough to say, “Not tonight, but tomorrow morning I’d like to!” And then make sure to be good on your promise! Don’t say tomorrow morning and then turn them down again, or forget. Trust me, they haven’t forgotten!

And finally, don’t ever make sexual promises that you can’t or won’t keep! Don’t promise (or tease) “such n such” then not do “such n such.”



Disclaimer: As a Christian Pastor and Relationship Coach I am making the assumption that the couples I am writing to are in a committed relationship (which I would typically say is defined by marriage) and I am not encouraging casual sexual behavior! I am completely against casual sex. I feel that it is very harmful emotionally and does not encourage a healthy happy relationship.