Marriage Works Best When ...

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... you give yourself 100% to your partner! It's really the only way. If your first concern is what you are going to get from someone, it's just the wrong thing to build a relationship on. Now, yes what you get from a relationship matters, but I believe that it's more important to think about what you are going to give! And what you should give is ALL OF YOURSELF!

There are all sorts of marriages; unhappy ones, dysfunctional ones, miserable ones, nutty ones, crazy ones, sad ones, but the one you and I want to be in is a happy one! It's not even about 'How many years you've been together' it's about being happy and fulfilled with each passing year. I want to be glad I am married, and glad I am married to who I am married to, don't you?

The opposite of what I am saying here is: Selfishness! And "selfishness" will destroy your relationship quicker than you can say, "help!"And it's easy for all of us to go there. It takes me a nanosecond! But no one likes a selfish-butt-head! But often we are that guy or that girl! 

Let me close with this thought: If your marriage is struggling even a little then I want you, starting today, to begin giving yourself 100% to your partner. Serve them, love them, give to them, be kind and generous in every way possible. Do it for 30 days and see what happens. The first 10 days they are going to think you have started using Crack, but after the 10 days when there is no signs of drug use they will respond.


I love the song All of Me by John Legend says it all! 

All of Me 
by John Legend

[Bridge:] 
Give me all of you 
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts 
Risking it all, though it's hard 

[Chorus:] 
'Cause all of me Loves all of you 
Love your curves and all your edges 
All your perfect imperfections 
Give your all to me I'll give my all to you 
You're my end and my beginning 
Even when I lose I'm winning 
'Cause I give you all of me 
And you give me all of you I give you all of me 
And you give me all of you, oh

Love is Whack-A-Doodle

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I was talking to a friend the other day about Love, Marriage, Friendship and Dating, and she said, “Love is whack-a-doodle!” After I picked myself up off the floor from laughing so hard I got to thinking how that’s really a profound way to express the complications of love. Love really is whack-a-doodle sometimes!

Have you been in-love with someone who didn't love you back? Have you had a marriage you thought would last forever end in divorce? Have you been in search of love and it just continues to allude you? Have you ever had your heart broken?

I am sure you answered yes to at least one of the questions above! I know I did! I think “Love is whack-a-doodle” means, it doesn't always make sense. It’s confusing at times. It’s weird. It’s difficult. It is painful. It’s not easy. It’s pure joy. It’s heartache. It’s a choice, but not always an easy choice. Sometimes it’s a feeling, but not always. It’s whack-a-doodle!

I think there is one scripture that isn't used for marriage all that much, but should be because I have found it to be a huge asset to having a healthy happy relationship and it is found in Colossians 3:13 “Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” 

 Now I must get this out there because like anything you can take scripture to an unhealthy extreme and get goofy! There is a lid to “making allowance for each other’s faults” this does not mean you allow someone to abuse you, walk all over you, treat you horribly, live a life of blatant sin with no recourse, etc. There is a time you must say, “Enough is enough, I must walk away!” But, in my counseling practice I typically see couples making very little allowance for each other’s faults! It’s like they expect perfection, at least from their mate, but want lots of grace in return. I think we all do this on some level. But I think it’s more than just making allowance for faults, but being willing to work to get through the faults to the healthy happier other side. “Making allowance” doesn't mean you are just shrugging an offense off, or ignoring an offense, but rather being willing to work through an offense. Make sense?

Life is about learning and growing with each passing moment. If you are in a relationship make sure to always work on “making allowance” which to me means to work on working through the faults.

Hanky Panky Challenge - Day 1

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Today officially kicks off the 10th Annual Hanky Panky Challenge! And this year I will be giving a "Hanky Panky" idea every day to help you have the best Hanky Panky ever!

IDEA #1:

Take time to sit down and hand write your partner a love note! Not just, "I love you" but really pour your heart out! Tell her/him how you feel down deep. Reflect on the day you met, or the moment you fell in love. Or reminiscence about the first date, or first trip together, etc. Go ahead, get after it!

Happy Hanky Panky!

KC Date Ideas Under $25

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One of the most important things in a marriage (or any relationship) that is often forgotten not too long after the honeymoon is the whole ‘dating thing.’ I guess we feel that dating is something ‘single people’ do, not married people. It’s like the joke about single people having better sex than married couples, this ought not be!

 

I believe that whatever it took to capture the heart of your spouse is what will be needed to continue to capture their heart for the rest of your marriage. Never stop capturing the heart of the one you love!

 

I celebrate 19 years with my wife and I still call her on the phone and ask her out. I still send love letters to her through the mail (postal service, with a stamp and everything!). I still write her corny poems, I still leave notes on her car, notes on her mirror, gifts on her pillow. Why? I do this because I want to continue to capture her heart for the rest of our lives; it’s basically what I agreed to at the altar 19 years ago.

 

I’ve heard every excuse why people “can’t go on dates” … no money, no time, kids, etc. All lame excuses! Seriously! Come on, let’s be honest here, you have the time when something is important to you, and let’s face it, there’s enough money to do a little something, and kids can be duct-taped in a closet in the basement for a few hours. Ha ha! Okay, that was wrong, I do not recommend that … but it did make you giggle!

 

It’s true that we do what is important to us, so make ‘dating your spouse’ important to you, because the reality is that it is very important, even critical to your relationship.

 

Here are 10 simple date ideas for under $25 that can be done here in Kansas City:

 

None of these ideas is rocket science, and maybe you have even done them before, but have you done them recently? The key is not “doing something you’ve never done” but rather “doing it!” There is no reason you cannot do one of these a week, so you should be good for the next 10 weeks!

 

1)      Find a NEW restaurant that neither of you has been to before (i.e. FUD, Eden’s Alley, Blue Bird Café, or Pot Pie)



2)      Order your favorite carry-out dish and take it to your favorite park, spread out a blanket or find a park bench and enjoy.

3)      Look up a local winery and go for a wine-tasting, even buy a bottle to share later. And along those same lines, do a Boulevard Brewery tour.

4)      Find a cool little coffeehouse to grab a cup of coffee and share childhood memories. (i.e. Hi Hat, Little Freshie’s, Coffee Girls)



5)      Make a list of your life’s dreams and share with each other.

6)      Do a themed date. (i.e. dress up in 1950s clothes and go to Winstead’s for a milkshake)


7)      Go to a bookstore (only a few left in the city), grab a poetry book and pick a poem to read to each other.


8)      Look through a cookbook and find a yummy recipe, go purchase ingredients, come home and cook together, then share the meal. Make sure to dim the lights, play some classical music (or whatever music fits the dish) top off with candlelight.
 

9)      Go to Little Freshie’s down off 18th and Summit in Kansas City, Mo., and get one of the delicious treats along with a cup of coffee.

10)  Go to a heavily-wooded park and hike through the trails, find a make-out spot!

 

Plus ONE … 11) Dress up and go to Nelson-atkins Museum of Art (not on a Monday, they are closed!) and when you stop in front of a picture (or some piece of art) place your finger on your pursed lips and nod your head slowly, then tilt your head from one side to the other. People will think you are some art critic!
 
*This Article was published in EABrides.com magazine.