A Growing Love

I do find myself thinking a lot about Love. I love love. I love romantic movies, I love romantic songs, I love love poems, I love weddings … I love helping people with their love issues. I find it so fascinating this whole love thing that happens between two people. And the question that I am asked so often is in reference to making love last a life-time. And there are no easy answers of course! But I will take a stab at it.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

What typically draws us to a person is some physical attraction. We like someone’s body, or how they are dressed, or some specific part of their body, eyes, lips, hair, tush, their smile, etc.   Or we may love their way, say for example if they are successful, or wealthy, etc. For example you may find someone sexy, and you are attracted to the sexiness you feel from them. And sometimes you are attracted to something and you can’t quit put your finger on it, there is just some magnetism that is pulling you toward someone. You just are attracted to them, and you aren't even sure why, but you are. And then from there it has the potential to grow into a real relationship. But that initial attraction is not something that you can build a life-long relationship on, even though in the movies they portray you can. Now, it can be a great start for sure! When I first laid eyes on my wife I was very hot and bothered (is that okay to say?) and still do this day some 20 years later I am!

I am sure there is someone reading this blog and thinking, “well I was all hot and bothered when I met my X too, and now it’s over.” And that is why I say that, “hot and bothered” is not the key! It does play a role in the beginning, but often only a small role in the initial pursuit, but creating a life-long love relationship takes a lot more.

Typically when you meet someone there is that initial attraction and from there love can either grow into something really special or begin to die a painful slow death. That’s why you often hear ‘friends’ say, “We grew to love each other.” And this can even happen without the initial attraction. There are so many factors in that initial attraction phase. Where we are, where they are, and not just physical location, but emotionally, and spiritually. So basically given the right situation, with the right person, and the right time you may not have that initial attraction, but change the surrounding situations and maybe you would have that initial attraction. Make sense?

LOVE CAN GROW

I am a firm believer that just like a lawn (grass) can grow healthier over time IF we put the right things in; it’s the same for love. It can, and will, grow IF we are putting the right things in. Now, I am making the assumption that BOTH people are putting the right stuff in … one person can’t carry a relationship forever, they will eventually wear out and give up. It’s just too hard to do alone. It takes two!

Let me throw a little disclaimer in here – If you are single and dating someone and finding it difficult for the love to grow, it may mean they are NOT the right one for you, that’s why it’s so difficult. And you may want to cut your losses and move on. And on the other hand if you are married and it’s difficult for the love to grow, I highly recommend you do everything you can to pour into that love relationship to increase its chances of growing again. I mean you obviously had enough love there to marry this person, surely you can find that love again? And nurture it! Don’t-cha think? I do.  I realize that many times love is so lost that it’s hard, if not impossible to ‘find it’ again, but I feel it is worth a shot.

No love relationship is without their challenge, that’s just life. And anyone who tells you different is either lying or they actually live in separate houses and their only married on paper. Ha ha! But seriously, love (marriage) is tough at times, we just gotta be tougher!

TO MY SINGLE FRIENDS

I believe the more we obsess over “finding the right person” we miss it. We miss the forest amongst the trees. Just enjoy life; love will come your way, eventually. I think we become a repellent to love the more we obsess. I do. I am sure you have met those people who are looking so hard for love that they become a little creepy. Ya know what I am talking about, and you may even have that person’s face in your mind right now, ha ha! They are just all up tight, weird, and trying way too hard to impress …  and they end up freaking people out and ultimately pushing any potential “mate” away. Just live, love and enjoy! Chill! It’ll happen at the right time. (obviously you must be smart, and follow your heart, make wise decisions, and get yourself out there to meet other people, ya da ya da! But it will happen. Don’t live out of fear, just have faith)