SEX Chocolate – 1 of 6

Okay, so I am going to blog about SEX… This is my first time to share my intimate thoughts on sex in a blog for the world to read… but I honesty do feel it will help you to have a very satisfying and fulfilling sex life... it will help if you are confused about sex, or unsatisfied in your sex life, or at least frustrated with your lack of a sex life.

Let me put my disclaimer out there before I get started: I personally, though I was unable to do it myself, think that sex should be experienced only within a committed loving relationship… which is what we call marriage today. Now, you may have a different perspective… but this is my blog! So there… ha ha!

Let’s just face it … and just be honest here shall we, without a ring on the finger the relationship may be loving, passionate, exciting, fun, enjoyable, happy, but it isn’t fully committed... you can walk away without involving an Attorney or a new last name.

Again, just my thoughts here… don’t run away yet… you’ll love what I have to share!

My First Time…

I lost my virginity on February 14, 1987 – in the back seat of an old Buick - I was just 17 years old – it was terrible. I wanted (and wish I would’ve) to save myself for my true love, for the one and only girl I would spend my life with… I wanted to wait till I was married! But as with most teenagers the pressure was just too overwhelming…I was weak and with the wrong girl (I hardly even knew this girl, and I most definitely didn’t love her) at the wrong time with alcohol in my system. Plus, I had seen too many reel to reel pornographic movies that my buddy’s dad had stashed in his basement… it made me curious… I mean the actors looked to be experiencing so much pleasure… could it be true I wondered… I had tasted of the forbidden fruit… and it was bitter.

Oh, and did I mentioned (for those who don’t know me) I was a good little Christian boy – born and raised!

…to be continued!

****Please pass this blog post on to all your friends!****

I Want to Do Bad Things… Pt. 5

So here's the deal... the bible says in Romans 12:2 that we are to “…be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God's will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect.”

I think if we are honest... most every human wants to do right and live right (there are always a few wing-nuts out there that this isn't true of...)

That said, I would say that what we LOOK at, what we TOUCH, what we LISTEN to, what we TASTE and what we THINK creates desires and hungers within us. I would contend that we would serve ourselves well to CONTROL or GAURD our minds to make sure we are doing truly what is right.

We should cut off the supply line to the bad lion within us all, and enlarge the feeding tube to the good lion within us all.

Quote: "What we look at, become our thoughts, our thoughts become our dreams, our dreams become actions and our actions lead us to our destiny."

Coming soon... I will be blogging on How to have a fulfilling relationship... and yes I will be talking about SEX! Don't miss it... pass it on to your friends to read!

I Want to Do Bad Things… Pt. 4

Pt. 4 “Taming the lion?”

So how do you and I tame the lion? Here are some super simple tools that I have found to be effective for me and those I have shared them with, yet they only work IF YOU DO THEM and do them consistently. You can’t do it like we do a diet… for 4 weeks we eat the right foods, drink water, lay off fast food, walk the neighborhood and after we lose 10lbs… we return right back to the previous bad habits and gain the 10lbs back, plus 3 extra pounds. What I am sharing here is a life-style change. You ready for it? I hope so.

1) Don’t FEED the BAD animal!

For example if you struggle with lust, then don’t feed that desire through porn or hanging out at Victoria Secrets to fondle every new pair of underwear. I encourage all guys (single and married) to download X3 watch on each of their computers... it's FREE!

To win the battle you must turn off whatever may be feeding the destructive desires in you… and here is the deal, YOU KNOW what those things are! It may be a group of friends who constantly talk negative about their husbands which causes you to grip about your husband… I would get new friends. If you think about the negative in someone, that is all you will ever see!

2) FEED the GOOD animal!

This is an easy one; Philippians 4 says that we should THINK on THINGS that are PURE, GOOD, etc. You must change what you allow your brain to dwell on…too many times we allow our minds to think on negative, bad stuff. We entertain fantasies that can be destructive… unless they are fantasies about and with your spouse!

3) Have someone to TALK to.

Along with the other 2 things I would tell your wife/husband/girlfriend/buddy what those things are that you struggle with. I have told Jana everything about me and how my brain functions… this has opened up for many great and liberating conversations for both of us. Make sure whoever you talk to is a SAFE person to talk to! Very important!

I think it’s really dangerous to have secrets… whether its secret struggles, secret sins, or even secret desires! Tell them… get them in the open!

I Want to Do Bad Things… Pt. 5 “More about how to FEED”

I Want to Do Bad Things… Pt. 3

Pt. 3 “So, what’s the problem?”


Lurking within us all are 2 animals. One desires good things, the other desires bad things. And the strength of either animal determines your actions … ultimately your destiny.

Now, I think we would all agree that there are different degrees of evil lurking within each individual. For example, take a Jeffery Dahmer, he obviously had some serious evil lurking within, and for whatever reason he was unable to control it. I feel those kinds of evil represent a comparatively small percentage of people (compared to the worlds population of 8 billion). Though, I would estimate that there are people who have similar urges, yet are able to control or suppress them, for whatever reason. (*I do not have all the answers to such a complex subject such as this… but I do think I have some answers for HOW to control/suppress them and ultimately transform and change those desires)

But, for you and me, our “bad animal urges” would be considered somewhat normal, if I can say that… yet they are real, and cause a war within. And here is the reality, no matter how good a person is …there is a war within, and I only say that for 2 reasons; 1) if you have evil desires it doesn’t mean you are bad 2) bad desires are common … if you are human.

Read: Romans 7:15 – 24

So, what to do about it? Check back tomorrow…
I Want to Do Bad Things… Pt. 4 “Taming the lion?”

I Want to Do Bad Things… Pt. 2

Pt. 2 “Where it all starts”


Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death; but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ…”

I think this scripture means far more than what it looks like it means at first glance… "For the wages of sin is death…" does that mean we’ll fall over dead if we sin? No. I believe among several things it’s saying it will cause death to whatever we value, whether it's our faith, a relationship, a career or our self-esteem. For example, I value my relationship with God, with Jana, with my kids, with my church, with my friends, with people in this community and around the world who have perceptions of God and ministers…I don’t want to contribute to an already negative perception.

I want to do bad things, and many times I do … but what is it that keeps me from doing them are the “wages they pay”. For example; I want to go to a strip club… but I don’t and actually never have (hard to believe I am sure)… but again it’s not from a lack of desire… it’s the results I don’t want… I do not want to damage all the relationships I mentioned above… besides Jana ending my life, or worse removing my manhood.

And, not just the results (or wages) of Jana being upset with me… actually the results of what that would do to my heart, mind and soul. So, would I go to heaven if I died while in a Strip Club? YES. So, this isn’t a Heaven or Hell issue… except that it may cause “hell on earth” for you. This is an issue of our heart… going to a Strip Club would mess up my heart and the Bible says that I should “Guard your heart more than anything else, because the source of your life flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

I Want to Do Bad Things… Pt. 3 “So, what’s the problem?”

I Want to Do Bad Things - pt 1

Today I celebrate 14 years of marriage to the same gorgeous women. Neither Jana nor I are perfect… if anyone is close to perfection it would be Jana… and yet in spite of our faults we have managed to build a fulfilling, even happy marriage and home.

I say that to now say this; I am tempted to do things that would attack if not destroy what Jana and I share (i.e. Adultery, look at porn, go to strip clubs, live like a college student on Spring Break, not be Sweet, I only want to touch IF it’s going to lead to something, ignore her feelings, live for myself, etc.) The list could go on of things we all do to destroy our relationships.

Why/How can we keep ourselves from these things? … especially those at the front of the list …Committing Adultery, looking at Porn, going to Strip Clubs, and Living like a college student on Spring Break can be deal breakers for a marriage… as many of you well know, or know of someone who does know. But actually, I think the damage goes deeper than that ... it's the personal "heart" damage we inflict on ourselves that really messes things up!

More on that on the morrow...
I Want to Do Bad Things… Pt. 2 “Where it all starts”

Bible

What a wonderful story that is told from Genesis to Revelations. A love story … a story of God’s love for His children. The story of Hope through God’s son, Jesus Christ.

I think where we get bogged down and even sidetracked is when we isolate verses in a particular book of the bible, and we miss the over-all story of the Bible… a loving God reaching out to restore a broken relationship with humanity. And no matter what we do He is always reaching out to us.

Just know that God loves you today!

God Loves Strippers

I just listened to a podcast that told a very touching story of a girl named Kandi, who was molested as a child (when she told her parents they actually shammed her for it and said it must have been her fault) which led her to being sexually active by age 10 then getting pregnant at 13 and her parents kicking her out of the home (bad parents if you ask me!) then the only way she could see to support herself and her new baby was to take a job as a stripper, making anywhere from $1,000 - $2,000 a week.

She talks about her pain, emotional and physical… and that she prays herself to sleep every night, asking God to help her have a new life somehow someway. She even reads her Bible every night. She talked about a church that she visited with her daughter and when some church people (there is a word for these people, but I can not use it here) found out what she did for a living the shunned her, shammed her, judged her, condemned her and rejected her… she was asked to leave by the elders (someone should punch these elders in the throat) Can I just say that I hate, yes I used the word, I hate when so called Christians do that kind of anti-Christ stuff. Kandi needed love and acceptance… and especially her daughter needed it!

Of course God doesn’t want her to be a stripper, but neither does He want us doing the things we're doing!

The main reason her story touches me is that God Loves Kandi, even while she is a stripper and I so want all those who have been rejected by the church to know that! God loves you… and He hasn’t rejected you!

“...God so Loved the World…For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16 -17 (NIV)

Anxiety

Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?”

Have you ever felt worry, anxiety, bugaboo, burden, complication, consternation, discomfiture, disquietude, fantod, harassment, nightmare, vexation, anguish, badger, bedevil, bothered, brood, burdened, care, concern, despair, disconcert, distress, disturb, disturbance, dread, faze, fear, fidget, fret, fuss, gnaw, harass, harry, hector, importune, millstone, needle, perturb, pester, plague, pother, stew, struggle, suffer, tantalize, tormented, tortured, troubled, uneasiness, unsettle, upset, woe.

God bless the Thesaurus! Though I can’t imagine telling a friend that I road the Mamba at worlds of fun and it “harried” me a little… also I always felt that “tantalize” was a good feeling… I want to feel tantalized from time to time. Anyway, I digress!

I am sure we have all felt “worried” at one time or another, it’s a normal emotion; though if worry is a word that your friends would use to describe you… that’s not good. And what I mean about “not good” is that FEAR and/or WORRY are really disabilities in the pursuit of a full life.

They say that 93% of the things we worry about never end up happening anyway… it’s just wasted time.

Personal Story: A year ago I worried (pothered) that Olathe Life Fellowship wouldn’t grow any bigger than it was at that time. And that it may not ever accomplish all that I felt God wanted it to accomplish. And those negative feelings became my driving force. I was moved by them, motivated by them, and ultimately controlled by them… until one day God spoke to me (not audibly… just I sensed in my heart) that worry wasn’t going to help the church grow and reach more people, actually it would hinder growth, secondly I realized that all I can do is all I can do… the rest is up to God, and I should just rest in that, and finally I wasn’t happy being unhappy all the time (nor where the members of my family)… so now, I don’t worry, I work hard, have fun, put it in God’s hands, I’m happy, my family is happy and guess what?… the church is growing!

Wow, I should learn to take God’s advice more often!

Inadequate

Have you ever felt YOU weren’t enough? Inadequate on some level? Not smart enough, not rich enough, not good-looking enough, not enough……… (You fill in the blank). And you hear in your head, “if I could only do ………… better I would be happy”.

If we are honest we all feel inadequate on some level. I personally don’t feel qualified all the time to be a pastor, a leader, a teacher, a father, and a husband. It sucks to feel that way.

And sometimes Christians really struggle with this because they heard somewhere that when you become a Christ follower, or become Christ Centered you won’t have that struggle anymore… or at least they’ve heard you “shouldn’t”… which is hog wash! Absolutely hog wash!

Though, I will say that you can get better at handling those internal struggles by asking yourself the following questions:

1) What activities make me feel good about myself? DO THEM REGULARLY!



2) What activities make me feel bad about myself? STOP DOING THEM!


I know, it’s so simple! But, again, if we are honest… this makes up a huge part of the fuel that feeds our struggle!

Think about it! Love you much!