Satisfying Sex

One of the most common complaints I hear from couples is that their sex life is lacking. Typically the guy feels that their not having enough sex. To be fair I have almost had as many women share the same sentiment.  And again, 'typically' the girl feels it's not as romantic or as passionate as she wished it was. So basically both are experiencing sexual frustration. Nearly every relationship will face sexual frustration at some point. It's normal. But not normal continue on that way for very long ... it's something you should work on to overcome.

There are many reasons for this, and there is no need to talk about all that. But what I feel is important to talk about is how to achieve satisfying sex in your relationship.


1) Have an open and honest conversation about your expectations, likes, dislikes, dreams, desires, and/or fantasies.

I am amazed at how many couples I talk to who have not had this conversation with their partner. I mean this is like the first step in having any satisfaction in any area of life really. Talk openly and honestly about it. Your partner can not read your mind and most likely will do what they like if you don't tell them what YOU like. It's essentially like learning your partner's 'sexual' love language.

And what happens is that secret fantasies and desires will lead to issues in the relationship if not discussed openly and honestly. It's not good to have secrets. And I can tell you as a guy who is coming up on my 22nd Wedding Anniversary ... you might not have had some fantasies (likes, dislikes, etc) early on, but you'll develop some. Again, like so many things in life that change and develop over time, so do your desires, tastes and interests. 

Your partner should know what you like, what you don't like, what you wish for, dream about, fantasies about. Why? So they can play a role in fulfilling those, if possible.

Obviously I am speaking within the normal zone of "fantasies" here. Some fantasies you may just have to live without. But most likely your fantasies fall within the "normal" and "moral" zone and can be fulfilled by your partner. But to live with those fantasies and not share is just not good at all. 

Honestly, if you do this first thing really really well, the other two should hopefully play out just fine!

2) You must be a willing participant.  

In a loving committed relationship there should always be a willingness to meet our partners needs. I mean isn't that a huge part of what we're in the relationship for anyway? To give to someone else, not just get something from them. It's a give and take deal. Mutually beneficial.   

3) Let down your guard.

We all have hangups about things. And most people have insecurities when it comes to sex. It's very normal. But again just because it's normal doesn't mean it's a good thing. We must let down our guard when dealing with sexual issues within our relationship. 

Here is what I am learning about relationships, and I do mean ALL of them ... the good, the bad and the ugly. And that is this, it does no good to hit a snag (like sexual tension) and jump ship to only find out that there will come a time in that relationship there will be sexual tension, and so on. Work hard on the one you are in, especially if you are married ... have the tough conversations, it will often lead to great joy and fulfillment. 

Thoughts? Questions?

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