A Day of Rest

Exodus 35:2-3 "For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death. Do not light a fire in any of your dwellings on the Sabbath day."

I can work 7 days a week and nearly 24 hours a day. I love what I do! But even when you love what you do there is no excuse for working too much. I once had a wise pastor tell me, "Timmy never sacrifice your family on the altar of ministry." What a great statement. It applies to us all, no matter what we do for a living, or for fun. You can replace the word "ministry" with whatever it is you do and it's something you should live by.

I've noticed in my own life that when I take a day of rest "a Sabbath" I get more done in those 6 days then I would have got done in 7 days. This is especially try if you are married and/or if you have children. Time with spouse and children is never lost time.

My Challenge: Take a day of rest each week, and just enjoy those closest to you!

Childish

I was playing a game with my 9 year old son the other day and when he was winning, which was most the time, he was having so much fun, but when I would win he would be unhappy and want to quit playing.

I am reminded of some of my interactions with adults who play life that same way; when they are winning, or getting their way, they are happy and excited and want to keep playing, but if they are not getting their way, or aren't winning - watch out. It's one thing when it's a 9 year old child, and a completely other thing when it's an adult.

So what is the problem? Emotional insecurities. Adults who can't play by the rules, or follow a leader, or do what their Boss says (even when they don't agree) or listen to the advice of others is just acting like a child. Let's be honest here, we all struggle with this from time to time, but if it's a constant struggle for you, then you need to grow up. No one wants to play the game of life with a 30 year old child.

Do I Need Church?

I have people ask me; "Do I need to attend church to be a Christian?" I always laugh because typically these are people not currently going to church, and the answer I always give is, "well no and yes, but let's talk about why and what to look for in a church." It's like my son asking me, "Daddy do I need to brush my teeth to live?" Ha ha! I mean how do you answer that? No you don't son, but then again, yes I wish you would so your breath won't melt my eyebrows! 

Now you are thinking, "Timmy of course you think people need to attend church, you are a pastor!" Ha ha! I understand that, but it's just not true! I tell people the same thing whether I am looking to invite them to Mercy Church (church I pastor) or send them to whatever church is in their particular City and State. I feel strongly about this actually, and would attend church regularly even if I was not a pastor. And I can prove this because I have only been a minister for 20 years and previous to being a pastor I attended church and invited others to do so too.

Here is why I feel strongly about it; first church is NOT a building, church is people. So by asking "Do I Need Church?" is really asking, "Do I Need People?" And this is why I say a loud YES! Also church represents God, so Do You Need God? And again I say YES! Now I realize that not all Christians or Churches do a good job a representing God. Maybe they are more of a reflection ON Jesus then they are a reflection OF Jesus. I know, I have been there, I was raised in church, I have seen it all, and I do mean all!

I have had several bad experiences with Dentists, but guess what? I still go to the dentist for check ups, cleanings and fillings. I don't go the ones who drilled my tongue, or stabbed my cheek, or the dentist who had an office that resembled more of an auto repair shop then a clean sanitary dentist office.

Church is about, or should be about, growing in our relationships - with God and others. It's really that simple. I have to admit people who are anti-church and say things like, "I don't need to go to church to be a Christian!" They are in fact correct, but again it's like my son's question about brushing his teeth!

I have found that people who believe you don't need to go to church to be a Christian miss out on others helping to refine and challenge their thinking.  Sometimes when we are left to think alone and believe alone and have no one to say, "dude, that's a little weird bro!" we miss out. This has at least been my experience anyway.

Q: Where Should I Go To Church?

A: A place you like! I mean let's be honest, you're not going to like everything, or every decision the church makes, that's not possible! That's life! But if you feel like you fit, enjoy the people, the leadership, the style, the beliefs, etc. Then jump in with both feet and support the church fully! Now I will say I would highly recommend belonging to a church where you can be you, no hiding, lying and wearing a mask. Life is too short for that junk. 

Hebrews 10:25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

I Don't Like Church

I can't even tell you how many conversations I have had with people who use to go to church. They tell me that they don't care for church (organized religion) or Christians much. I must admit that I felt much the same and really that was a primary reason I started Mercy Church.

I was raised in church, it's all I've ever known ... I know the good the bad and the ugly. I do want to say that the people are sincere, for the most part. They really love God, they just don't express that love for God with wisdom. Many times they are mis-guided and over zealous.

In my experience church or religion has made the not-so-important things super important and the real-important things not so important. Just one example where religion or church get it wrong; when we make the exterior (the outside) more important then then interior (the inside,) the heart is most important.

So I will leave you with this question, where is your heart today?

Romans 10:10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

Hanky Panky Reflections

I am looking back on the last 28 days, which was The Hanky Panky Challenge, and I am glad we not only issue the challenge to couples each year but also take the challenge. And it truly is a challenge, only people who haven't taken it would disagree ... who cares what they think, they don't know. Ha ha!

The Hanky Panky Challenge is so much more than just "sex," though that is what many think it is or want it to be, but it's more about Companionship, Connection, Intimacy, and ultimately about creating a more passionate relationship with your partner. I am a firm believer that LOVE is not a feeling (I almost added the word "just" before the "a feeling," but I couldn't because love is not a feeling, even though feelings are involved in love) love is so much more than that. Now, love creates a lot of strong feelings, absolutely! I have many great "feelings" about my spouse and for my spouse, but that is only a small part of the relationship we have, and I personally believe that the "feelings" we feel about and for one another is a result of our commitment to love each other.

In my line of work (Pastor/Teacher/Counselor) I encounter couple after couple who have, "lost that loving feeling" and they do not know what to do (I truly do sympathize,) and many times they walk away to look for that loving feeling with someone else. That is so heartbreaking, and so shallow. Now there are reasons people get divorced that are totally legitimate, but many are not, let's just be honest. Some of the things I've heard categorized as "irreconcilable differences" are lame. I believe that most things are reconcilable, especially with God's help. 

DISCLAIMER: I am not judging those who have been through a divorce! I have many wonderful friends who have gone through a divorce, and I was there to walk them through it. Divorce sucks, it hurts and it's no fun! Do not allow the things I am saying here to stir up guilt and condemnation in you over what is done and over with  This blog entry is for those who are currently married that I am trying to encourage to make their marriage work.

Happily Ever After

This June Jana and I will celebrate 17 years together. And though our marriage is not perfect, we are passionately in-love with one another and find much fulfillment from our relationship. It's not always been easy, I can be difficult to live with sometimes, I know - a shocker! Ha ha! But I have been asked what is the key to a happy fulfilling relationship, and I can't say it's one thing, rather I think it's several little things but there is a big one. I think the biggy is being more concerned with GIVING then you are about GETTING!

Relationship Series - Pt 3

Romans 14:19
 
“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

FIGHT RULES

1) Focus on the PRESENT.

  DON’T: Dig up past grievances/sins.

2) Focus on partner’s actions and how those make you FEEL.

 DON’T: Criticize your partner’s personality or character.

3) Pick a good TIME to talk.

 DON’T: Complain at times when your partner is distracted by pressing matters such as a deadline or caring for small children.

4) Tell your partner about your NEEDS and DESIRES .

 DON’T: Expect your partner to mind-read, to guess your needs and desires.

 

HEALTHY WAYS TO RESPOND

 1) Ask QUESTIONS for better understanding.

 DON’T: Belittle or criticize your partner for complaining.

2) Acknowledge the LONGING behind your partner’s complaint.

 DON’T: Defend yourself.

 3) Take RESPONSIBILITY for the problem.

 DON’T: Deny responsibility or flip it or spin it back on your partner.

 4) Don’t TAP out.

               DON'T: Quit.

Relationship Series - pt 2

Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”


I. COMMUNICATION 101

1) Tell your partner what you need, even if it’s DIFFICULT.

2) SHARE your feelings as they come up.

3) Postpone problem solving until AFTER you feel connected.

4) Complain without CRITICIZING.

5) Look for the LONGING in each other’s complaints.


II. POSITIVE COMMUNICATION PRACTICES or HEALTHY WAYS TO COMPLAIN.


1) Share RESPONSIBILITY for the problem.

         DON'T: Blame the problem on the other person.

2) Describe the PROBLEM in terms of your perception, opinion or style.

         DON'T: Describe the problem as a matter of absolute truth.

3) Focus on specific problem, tackling ONE at a time.

         DON'T: Stockpile complaints.

WATCH VIDEO HERE: http://mercychurchkc.com/media/index.php

*Material taken from Dr. John Gottman's book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Relationship Series - pt 1

 

James 1:25 “ … if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.”

 

RATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP ... 1 being really bad, and 10 being really good.

1. What are the issues stopping it from being a 10?
2. What are some things that I could do right now to improve the relationship?
3. What are some things I should stop doing to improve the relationship?   
4. How have I contributed to the issues we are having?
5. How am I keeping it from being a 10?

• Happily married couples behave like good FRIENDS. 

• Happily married couples handle their conflicts in GENTLE, POSITIVE ways.

1 John 3:18 “let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth”
 

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

 

POSITIVE COMMUNICATION PRACTICES

 

Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Turning.

 

1) A SOFT Start-up.

 

2) TOWARD your partner.

 

3) REPARING the conversation.

 

4) ACCEPTING influence.

 

You're Worth It

Ephesians 2:10 ^"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."

I believe there are times in all our lives we feel less-than-worthy; like we don't deserve anything good. This prevailing thought comes to us for various reasons; maybe your parents didn't tell you how valuable you were, or your value was based on your performance, or maybe it is a spouse that doesn't encourage you, a boss, maybe you've done some bad things and you can't forgive yourself ... so you feel you must suffer or pay the penalty for your sins, etc. 

We must discover what our limiting beliefs are, and why we have them, then exchange them for the truth, the truth that you are worth it, your life does matter, and that you do deserve good things and that God loves you.