Vulnerability

One of the things most feared in life is not the fear of being alone, but rather being vulnerable! See, if I let you into my heart, you might not like me; therefore, I keep that all zipped up.

I think ‘vulnerability’ is possibly the biggest roadblock to two people achieving a vibrant healthy relationship. How can anyone really know someone if they don’t really know them? And how can anyone know you when you are not vulnerable? And how can anyone really love you if they don’t even know you? They can’t! I think we may hide so much that we aren’t even sure who we are anymore.

I recently celebrated 18 years of marriage, and although we’ve had a fabulous and even passionate marriage, we’ve had to really work on this whole ‘vulnerability’ piece. There’s no better way, for me, to share this than to just give you an example of vulnerability in action.

EXAMPLE:

I don’t like asking for sexual contact. I just want Jana to want me. And if I’m honest, to really want me ALL the time! (Just sayin’ -- it’s a guy thing!!) And when I “want it,” I want Jana to just know it sub-consciously without me having to ask. Women do this all the time, too … expecting a husband to just know what she wants when she wants it without her having to mention it. But it doesn’t work that way. Back to my example ... So often when I didn’t get what I wanted, I would pout and stew about it. Until finally, I got vulnerable and had a great talk about it. I learned to be vulnerable and ask. It was difficult for me to be really vulnerable with my sexuality and share my feelings, needs, wants, desires, etc. Scary place!

What about you? What things make you mad or upset because really you are afraid to just be vulnerable and talk openly about it?

Side note: When someone is being vulnerable with you … LISTEN with both ears and be very sympathetic and empathetic to really HEAR what they are sharing! Your relationship will go to higher heights! I promise!!