Lost That Loving Feeling?

One of the biggest downfalls in a marriage is when one or both lose that loving feeling. It happens all the time, but it doesn’t have to. There is a fix.

Do you remember when you couldn't keep your hands off each other, and would even pull the car off the side of the road to a secluded area to “lay with one another” (to use a biblical phrase). Now we are in too much of a hurry, plus I don’t want to mess up my hair, or wrinkle my shirt. What about when you'd call each other a million times a day and it never bothered you to hear from each other. But now when they call you, you're like, "what is it … I’m trying to work here?" (Said in a very irritated tone) And remember how many hours you would spend playing tonsil hockey (kissing), it never got old, but now we say, “oh I had something with garlic in it for lunch, we better not.” Or, “oh wait, hang on, do you see that sore on the inside of my lip … is it inflamed?” Remember when we used to always be thinking of something special we could do for them, a sweet note, a special treat, a nice gift … now it’s only on Valentine’s Day we think of doing those things. You remember those days? When you just couldn’t wait to get off work or home from your trip to be together? Now, you purposely work late, and hope the picks you to take a sales call in Utah.

It’s no wonder marriages fail, and when I say fail, I don’t mean they always get divorced, sometimes people stay in stale failed marriages, and that just sucks! It doesn’t have to be that way.  A lot of couples are there though, and either figure this is what marriage is, or that there is no hope and no way out and as they exhale say, “I guess this is just my life.”


Last year I lost all my loving feeling for exercising. I have been working out since I was in junior high school, and really before that if you count cycling, and sports. I have always loved it, and felt a great deal of passion towards it as well. I normally never had to pump myself up to go to the gym, I loved it, wanted it, desired it, did it. Then last year I had a couple small little pulled muscles that set me back, then I started back-slidding on my diet just a little, nothing major, but enough that I could feel it. After just a few months I started getting soft and things jiggled when I would jump up and down. I didn’t like myself, but this only further discouraged me from going to the gym. And it was easy to find excuses for not going to the gym, I mean good, even godly excuses (like I could be reading my Bible during that hour at the gym) to skip the gym.

Finally, I looked at myself and just didn’t like what I was seeing, and realized I had the power to change it; I just had to act in accordance with what I wanted. And what I wanted, and want is to be healthy and fit. So I committed to do what healthy fit people do, go to the gym and work out.

Now how does my exercise story relate to your marriage? In so many ways, trust me!

First, you must decide what you want; a great marriage. Then act according to that desire. What do people with great marriages do? How to they act? How do they live? Not only that, but ask yourself, what did you do back when you did have that loving feeling for your spouse that you are not doing now?

Remember how you chased each other around, and complimented each other nearly every five minutes. And now you maybe do it once every couple months, maybe not even that much. I know this can be a sore spot for many women, especially coming from a guy, but remember how you loved that he wanted you sexually all the time and you responded with that same desire and hunger. But now, he is lucky to get it once a week, if that and you’d rather not. What happened? And for the guy, dude come on, chase her like you did when you first met ... pursue her! Woo her once again!

Here is the key to a long-lasting passion-filled marriage – INVEST IN EACH OTHER EVERY SINGLE DAY! I heard someone who had lost that loving feeling say, “It’s too much work!” Duh, of course it’s work. Everything worth having in life takes work! You can’t even have a nice lawn without a bunch of hard work (even if it’s not you doing all the work … marriage is something you can’t hire out, sorry! You gotta do it yourself).  

Write this quote down and never forget it, “Do what you would do if you did have that passionate-loving-feeling!” Ask yourself, “What would I do if I did feel absolutely crazy in love with my spouse?” Then do it! The feelings will follow your actions, commitment and your heart.

Another thing regaining my passion for working out; I couldn’t keep putting it off till tomorrow. Tomorrow never ever comes! Do it today! Right now! Again, what would a passionate, loving spouse do right now for the person they love? Do it! Then do it every single day for the rest of your life! You won’t regret it!