Emotional Neglect (2 of 2)

Okay so yesterday I was pretty much talking to the women, and today I am pretty much talking to the men. Though I was told, from some women, that women shouldn't be neglected sexually either. I agree, and it is a real issue going both ways. Men can and do neglect their wives sexually by not pleasuring them (to be honest I was surprised at some statistics I recently read on the lack of orgasms happening between married couples) and by not being romantic and by not engaging in lots of foreplay.

How men neglect their wives emotionally:

1) By not putting their wife first (even before their job)!
2) By not treating them like they really are glad to be married to them!
3) By not complimenting her ... telling her she is the hottest thing on the planet!
4) By not including her in financial decisions!
5) By not treating her as an equal (because she is an equal ... and for many guys I know that women are superior - lol!)
6) By not listening to her issues without offering the "fix"!
7) By not giving lots of non-sexual touches!
8) By not planning special dates (other than Valentines Day, and Anniversary)!
9) By making sports or any other hobby more important then time with her!
10) By not helping around the house!

Sadly, I could go on! But I think you get the point!

I am by no means a perfect husband ... I've got my warts. 12 years ago (about 3 years in to our marriage) Jana said, "Timmy I feel you are not totally here ... I don't feel I have your whole heart." And she was right! I was scared of being hurt.

On that day over 12 years ago I began to search my heart and ask why I wasn't giving myself fully to Jana. I found the answer to my question and made the decision to do my best to make her the happiest woman in the world. Obviously there are days I fail ... but it is a lofty goal!

Just as a wife shouldn't neglect her husband's sexual needs, neither should a husband neglect his wife's emotional needs.

I can not speak for all women, but I can speak for Jana ... she want's to be loved and cherished and know that my full devotion and heart is hers. And just to be frank here, if I refuse to give her that ... what kind of jerk would I be? A big one! I mean seriously, why even bother getting married if you are not going to break your back (figuratively speaking) to give your spouse the world?

Let me pause here for one second to say that I have met many "unhappy spouses" who were only unhappy because they had UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS! She wanted to live in a mansion, drive a Ferrari and have a 5 CT Diamond on her finger while watching the latest episode of Days of Our Lives... and her husband just wasn't able to provide for an extravagant lifestyle while she just sat on her lazy prima donna butt. Or the guy who wants his wife to have a flawless body after 2 kids, have their sex life be like it is on *XXX videos, and have the house clean, the kids fed, and a hot meal on the table when he gets home from work. (*Not even Porn Stars have that kind of sex off screen ... it's called acting ... it's not real)

Let's get real here people! Live in the NOW! I fear that some people read WAY TOO MANY books, and WATCH way too much television to know what reality is! But I will say there is a happy medium ... I also feel we shouldn't be settling for a crappy marriage thinking it's unrealistic to have anything else! There is a balance here!

I will say this; if you could do it over again - would you marry him/her? If not, then I recommend you seek counseling to work through it ... figure out WHY? And then hopefully discover what can be done to change it! Because you do not want the next 5 years to be like the last 5 years do you?

It is REALISTIC and totally okay to be happy with your marriage! If I could live a thousand lifetimes I would chose Jana each time!

Here are a few practical things to do guys:

1) Tell your wife verbally how crazy you are about her, and how happy you are that she chose you!
2) Give her a card monthly describing how you feel about her!
3) At least once a month take her out and just stare at her (like you did when you first met)
4) Dance with her in your bedroom (even if that just means biting your lower lip and rocking back and forth)
5) If she works somewhere ... you deliver flowers to her with a mushy card!
6) Start foreplay when you wake up ... continue that all day long!
7) Turn the TV off for a month ... and just focus on being with her every second you are home!
8) Ask her what she really wants to do ... then take her to do it!
9) Give her your whole heart!
10) Ask her to tell you her dreams!

Bottom Line: Love her like crazy!


WANT TO TALK TO ME? Call to set up an appointment with me at (913) 390-1200, or via email jana@mercychurchkc.com

I have clients call from all over the world, often using SKYPE or just phone ... either works for me. And we take payment ($75 an hour) through PayPal, it's very easy to set up and get done. I'd love to help you however I can.