I was having a conversation with Jana (my wife) about the whole SEX thing. And we were put off by a sit-com that had a scene with 3 dudes talking about their sex lives; one guy was married and hardly ever had sex and when he did it was lame (which I do not find funny at all ... nor do the husbands who aren't getting sex), then another guy who was engaged commented on how all was going pretty well in the bedroom (I do not promote sex before marriage ... just reporting here) and then of course the single guy was having lots of wild sex. It would be funny if it wasn't a sneak peek into many marriages today!
Here are 10 truths: (I will get to Emotional Neglect tomorrow)
1) Married couples should be having lots of meaningful sex - pretty much as much as they want it!
2) A wife who regularly turns her husband down for sex is sinning!
3) A husband and wife should be fulfilled sexually!
4) A husband should not be neglected sexually!
5) A wife who really loves her husband should WANT to have sex often!
6) A married couple should not be frustrated sexually!
7) Sex is the one thing you get to share in a marriage exclusively with each other (at least it should be that way)
8) Not meeting your husbands sexual needs is just as bad as him looking at porn!
9) Sex between a husband and wife is very Biblical and Spiritual and Holy!
10) Married couples should experience what I call soul-touching sex!
Now I realize that there are many variables out there; "my husband is a jerk, he is so not romantic, foreplay is him putting it on my leg, I have no desire (sorry, but this is a lame excuse ... do you go to the gym only when you have a desire too? or go to work only when you desire too? Or change a diaper only when you desire too? Or do anything for that matter only when you desire too? No, we all do things every single day because we should, and it's the right thing to do! At least that is how we should live our lives.
If you are a women it's possible you are reading this with an attitude thinking; "of course you feel this way, you are a man." And you would be wrong, because my wife is with me on this (and you will see why tomorrow when I talk to the guys).
When we (as spouses) neglect our spouse, whether it's emotionally or physically we dishonor them. We make them feel LESS then what God has designed them to be. One reason among many that I treat Jana like a princess and tell her how beautiful she is 5 times a day, with cards, notes, poems, verbally, and do romantic over-the-top dates often is partly because she does not neglect me. But, I don't neglect her.
What happens WAY to often is once the neglecting starts it begins a vicious cycle of neglect. He doesn't give me any emotional attention, and his sports or work are more important than me, so when he wants sex there ain't no-way he is getting it, then he gives even less emotional attention, which leads to even less sex ... and the cycle begins; you have two frustrated people living together in the same house, a couple kids running around to keep you busy and everyone is very unhappy. And you wonder why in heaven did I get married!
I am sure you understand that I am speaking in generalities ... but all true none-the-less.
So Timmy, what should I do, I am frustrated? COMMUNICATE! Stop the cycle! Throw in the white towel, and start over if you need too!
Wives ask your husband; are you fulfilled sexual ... is our sex life fulfilling to you? Only a brave, godly and loving wife would ask her husband that question! If you are unable or unwilling to ask your husband the above question - you have issues! Why? Because you don't want (or care) to hear the answer, nor do you care to fulfill your husbands sexual needs... can I just say, that's absolutely terrible!
If I wasn't loving Jana like she wanted to be loved I WOULD WANT TO KNOW and FIX IT! We should ALL LOVE our spouses as much!
Tomorrow: Emotional Neglect (don't worry ladies I will be even harder on the men then I was on you!)
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