Losing my virginity when I was 17 lead me down a very promiscuous road of meaningless sexual escapades that left me feeling lonely and empty.
My search was for acceptance, fulfillment, meaning and I guess for …love. But it was like the carrot to the donkey … it eluded me. This was because I was as the songs says, “…looking for love in all the wrong places”.
Now, you may think I am going to say, “then I met God and all was well…” well I’m not, because remember I was already a church going Christian, and I loved God, but there was an emptiness in me that yearned for more attention … to be accepted, to be wanted, to be loved. And every girl I dated (if that is what you call it) still left me wanting more … so I’d jump to the next girl, then the next, then the next … and so on it went for 7 years.
Even when I went to Bible College I struggled with needing to be accepted … to feel loved, and to be valued… and the way I tried to meet that need was through sexual activity … I felt that if a girl would have sex with me that meant she loved me, she valued me, she accepted me … and I wanted to be loved.
To be honest with you I am not sure where the void in my life came from … but I suspect it came from when I was a child… which just further fueled the already heightened male teen testosterone … that was “burning in loins” as the bible says (ha!)
You’ll want to keep reading my story of love that I refer to as my Storybook Marriage w/Jana… because there is a happy, fulfilled and meaningful ending… though it’s only just begun!
To be continued…