It seems lately I am encountering singles in their mid to late 30's who are feeling frustrated when it comes to finding that special someone. And they ask me, "Will I ever find the right one?" Which is a fair question, I remember asking myself that question before I met and married Jana some 22 years ago (as of this writing).
It's difficult to say without meeting you personally to assess the "reasons" why you haven't met, or haven't secured that special someone. I mean I may meet you and know instantly by your grooming, or lack of. Etc. But let's be honest, we've all met people that didn't "groom" and maybe didn't even shower as often as they should and they met that special someone. Right?! So I think it goes a bit deeper than superficial exterior upkeep.
A good question to ask yourself is, "Am I ready to be in a committed relationship?" Sometimes I feel that people are so set in their ways and their routines are so entrenched that any other human would just mess up their ju ju (or whatever you call it). Because marriage is all about sacrifice. (Side Note: Watch the movie The Longest Ride. It's by Nicholas Sparks, same guy who wrote The Notebook.) And frankly some people just aren't willing to sacrifice. Now of course they want to find someone who would sacrifice for them, but they don't want to give up anything.
My personal belief is that too many people marry too young and also for the wrong reasons and this is one reason so many marriages don't make it past 5 years, and so many more fail before 10 years. Marriage is tough, even when you did marry the right one, and it's a healthy happy marriage.
Okay, so to answer the question: Will I ever meet the right one? Yes I believe you will. But it's going to take a few things I will share here ... pass this along to your single friends!
KEYS TO MEETING THE RIGHT ONE
1) Make yourself available.
I don't mean this in a sleazy way. As a matter of fact I am 100% opposed to living sleazy. And what I mean by sleazy is sleeping with people too early in the relationship. Now some will disagree with me here and that is fine, but sex just clouds your judgment of a person. Of course if it's consensual casual sex (which I still don't agree with) fine, you both know it's just a sex thing and we're not courting each other here ... just sex, whatever ... to each his own.
I think if you are single, and want to meet someone, then do just that ... make yourself available to meet people. Get out there. Yes, do the online deal, yes, go to single mingles, yes, go on that blind date. You never know how you'll meet Mr. or Miss. Right, don't limit your possibilities.
2) Be working on yourself.
I've said for years, "It's not about finding the right one, it's about being the right one". And I stand by that phrase! We all have baggage. Let's be honest here, but some more than others. Again, I don't know you personally, but maybe your baggage is "why" you aren't with the "right one". Maybe you are so messed up emotionally you mess it up?
Maybe you are sabotaging every great relationship that comes your way? I've met singles that I felt that was their problem. They either didn't let anyone in close, or when they did let them get close they freaked and pushed them away out of fear or getting hurt first. I know, it's weird, but people do this kind of shit all the time, it's amazing.
I recommend ready books to help you with your spiritual and emotional growth. I would even suggest seeing a counselor or coach to talk through some stuff. It is important to reflect on past relationships. Ask yourself why it didn't work. What did work? Where did it go wrong? What could you have done differently? What did you learn? How can it help you in the future?
3) Get in shape.
Nothing gives you more confidence when it comes to meeting others than feeling good about yourself. Opposite is true ... you feel crappy, you aren't going to feel confident in meeting other people.
I'm not saying you need to be a bodybuilder, but at least get in the gym 3 times a week, or play some sport, run, ride a bike, swim, something. Be active. No one is interested in dating someone who looks as though they may be dead in 6 months. (Well, unless you are extremely wealthy, then maybe! j/k!!)
4) Be cool.
No one is interested in dating a desperate person. Calm down, it will happen, but not if you are freaking out about every text that is delayed by 30 seconds. Come on, seriously.
5) Be yourself.
Now this may seem like, "duh I know that Timmy!" But I really believe in order for a person to really get to know me I must be me. Not who I think they want me to be. Make sense? If I portray the image of being an athlete yet I am only doing that to get their attention, not a good idea. Why? Because it's not you! So even if they like that you, they really don't like the real you and the real you is you so when they get to meet the real you it's not the you they liked. Get it?
It's really a matter of honesty. Being yourself is about being honest. And honesty is always the best policy.
I can hear someone say, "yeah but they won't like me if I'm honest about who I am." Well that's sad you feel that way, but the fact is that someone will like the real you. But again you do not want someone to fall in love with the fake you. You can't keep up the fake you very long. Plus it's too hard to live a lie. Now, if you are a mess and have some real issues and those issues are what you feel people won't like you for ... than #2 is for you! Work on yourself. And do the work to resolve those issues in your life. Don't allow them to ruin your life. You can change you know!
6) Believe it will happen for you.
Yes I believe in the power of belief! It's a powerful force that if you get it out there in the universe will go to work on your behalf to bring what you wish. Seems mystical, but it's really not at all mystical. It's just the way the universe is set up to work.
“Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become reality.” - Earl Nightingale
Take a deep breath, the right one is out there for you and just have faith and he/she will come to you. Really! Make sure you are ready for to meet them! Keep your eyes and ears open.
Much love to you!