Is love that tingly feeling you get, the butterflies in the tummy? Is it when you feel that instant connection with someone? What about that passionate sexual feeling? Is that love? What about when your hair on the back of your neck stands up? Is that what love is? Is it that feeling of just wanting to be with someone, like all the time? Is it love when you just don't want to leave their side? Is love a happy feeling? Is love when you just can't stop thinking about someone? Is it love when you can't help to smile at the thought of them? Is it love when someone makes you laugh? Or when you can make them laugh? Is that love?
Love is a mystery. I mean to totally figure it out. I am like you, I want the love that I have for my wife to last a lifetime. I don't want to go through the heartache that so many of my friends have gone through. It doesn't look like any fun to me. It's heartbreaking even to watch from a distance. I have been up close and in the middle of some of those moments and they are tough for everyone no doubt!
So, what is love?
Love is definitely a decision ... it's something we decide to live by, and to commit to. And what messes it up is the "feeling" part of love. Yes, love is a decision, but there are feelings involved in love too. You just can't allow feelings to reign supreme and rule love. That's when it gets all messed up. You can't live according to feelings.
I love my wife, and I feel love towards her too. But that is because feelings follow my decisions and actions follow my decisions. I am far from perfect, but we both make decisions that foster and nurture the love we have towards each other. Even when we don't "feel" like it. Trust me, we've both had feelings that were contrary to the love we have for, and have committed to each other. And there have been times in our 22 years we've done things only because we knew it was the thing that love would do, because had we done what we felt like doing we'd be in a mess.
If you are married, and are struggling with wondering why did I ever marry this person I want to challenge you to do something. Now, I must say I thought the movie was a bit cheesy, but the Love Dare is actually a great concept. And if you are considering divorce, I would recommend you take the Love Dare. (google it)
Disclaimer: I understand that some situations are beyond repair. And maybe there is so coming back. I get it. And as a Marriage Coach I like to help people restore their broken relationships, but I have encountered relationships that were so toxic and dysfunctional that it was better for both parties to walk away. Especially when it comes to abusive situations.