"How important is it to have the tingly feeling when I meet someone?" I was recently asked.

I think it's very important to have the tingly feeling when considering a potential partner. It's nice to have the tingly feeling in your tummy about a person. Love isn't just a calculated decision we make and then live happily-ever-after like a robot. To me the physical attraction is the icing on the cake of love. I have had just cake, and it's good, but cake with icing is even yummier.

You must understand that the tingly feeling isn't the most important thing, nor is it something that should be ignored. It has it's place, and when in it's proper place is good. You can't build a lasting relationship on it, but again it's nice to have present in the relationship. I mean let's be honest here, many have left a marriage because they had lost that loving feeling ... so it matters. It's important for me to note also that the tingly feeling is something that can develop over time, and it's also something that if lost can be rekindled easily.

The bottom line for all you who are dating is - don't settle for someone you aren't just crazy over. Now I didn't say someone who makes you crazy, ha ha! But you should have a strong physical attraction to the person you are considering spending your life with. You deserve it and the other person deserves it too. I mean let's be honest here, I want my wife to get the tingly feeling when she looks at me or thinks of me... I would not like it if I was just a calculated decision someone made ... I want them to be crazy about me.

Here is where people go squirrely: When they are in a committed relationship (marriage) and the tingly feeling leaves - so they leave the relationship. That is dumb. Feelings are fickle and shouldn't be trusted and definitely shouldn't be something you live your life by. Ultimately you and I are in charge of our feelings, or we should be, not the other way around.

The challenge in Marriage is cultivating the tingly feelings! Constantly making sure we are keeping the flames hot and burning! It takes work, just like starting, building and maintaining a real fire.

When you are dating you meet people, and you either have the tingly feeling when you hang with someone or you don't. You can't really make yourself love someone you just meet. Well, you can kinda, but I am not sure we live in a culture big on arranged marriages, though they have been known to work, but ... just rent and watch Fiddler on the Roof ... it says it all. Most people do not want to be told who to marry (love), they would rather marry (love) who they want for themselves.

If you are already married you must cultivate a culture where tingly feelings grow. Simple as that.

Feelings follow action!

If you are single, date until you find someone you get that tingly feeling for, then continue to explore that relationship with all the important things that make for a lasting healthy committed relationship.

Their Character.
Their Values.
Their Physical traits.
Their Religious views.
Their Philosophy of life.
Their work ethic.
Their Goals in life.
How they treat you. (I meet way too many people who are with someone who mistreats them. I don't get it. Well I know why, but I still don't get it. They do it because they feel they do not deserve better. They have a low opinion of themselves, therefore they accept the poor treatment. It's a reflection of their self-image.)

And all the other things that are important for you in a the kind of partner you want to spend your life with ... if it matters to you, then it matters!

Leave a comment, ask a question ... I would be happy to address!