Good Grief Continued

Painting By Tom Matt (
It’s been over a month since my sister passed away and time does seem to help heal the hurt a little. I do not believe “time heals all wounds” but it does seem to take away the overwhelming sting of it all. I guess time is like distance, the further you are away from it the harder it is to see, but you still know it’s there off in the distance.

Losing someone isn’t something you just ‘get over’ but you ‘get through’ and that is just it, you must get through it, and go through it, because you’ll never ‘get over it’ completely. You’ll always miss that person, and even hurt at times about them being gone. I still miss my sister, and still cry at times about it. But I know that she would want me to go on and live my life to the fullest.

There are weird emotions that go on in and around this whole death thing, on one hand you feel obligated to be sad that they are gone because to not be sad or hurt seems to not honor their passing. Almost like, “if I’m not sad, then I don’t miss them or love them.” It’s like when people say, “I worry about you,” it’s almost like they are saying, “I love you, or I care about you.” And to not worry is to not love or care. Maybe it’s the same here, we feel that to not be sad or keep hurting for those who have passed is to not love or care. And maybe we feel to not keep hurting is to forget them? Of course this is not the case! Getting through the pain of losing someone is not forgetting them, it’s really the best way we can remember and even honor them and their life. Living our life well in memory of them is the best gift we can give them and the world we live in.

To help me I can only think of what I might want for those who survive me when I die. I want them to miss me, sure! But I do not want them to miss me so much that they cease to live life. I wouldn’t want my family or friends to shut down emotionally, and just cry about my being gone. I hope they would shed a tear, of course, even belly-cry initially, but I would want them to go on. I can honestly say that if I died tomorrow (which I pray I do not!) I would eventually want my wife and very best friend of 20 years to re-marry. Not a month after my passing, lol! But eventually I would want her to find a wonderful man to love her and love my children.  It would  be selfish to wish anything else. And trust me I haven’t always felt this way.


I am doing well, and with each day I continue to process through the loss. It’s fascinating that through this whole process I have become, in general, more thankful. I am thankful for each breath I breathe! I find myself thinking, even when things that would normally stress me out, it could always be worse! I am also aware that life is so very precious and I should live each moment with gratitude in my heart!