If there is ever a subject in church that receives lots of
heated debate, it’s the topic of “sex before marriage.” When does a relationship
meet the standards of a committed relationship? Is it ON the actual
wedding day just after the ceremony? Or after you cut the cake? Or is it after
the first dance? Or after rice, or birdseed is thrown on you? Is it on the
engagement day? What about when you decide to move in together? We all want to know, because we want to have sex as soon as possible.
What is a committed relationship, really?
I remember going to a youth camp as a kid, and they had
brought in a special speaker specifically to address the “Love Waits” message of
abstinence. I am ornery, always have been, and kept thinking I wanted to corner
the speaker after his talk and ask, “So, did you wait till you were married?” I
can guess with some certainty that he didn’t. Like most of us. Statistics alone
prove this out. Now I am not saying that it makes it right because everybody
is doing it, I’m just sayin.
So I guess the question is: When is it right to have sex?
As I am typing I am thinking to myself, why in Heaven did I
decide to blog on this topic?! Ha ha! I can give you the easy answer that most
pastors give, and that is to say, “Just wait until you are married.” See how
easy that was? But I think it could be a bit more complicated than that,
Now, let me be clear, I feel that to wait till the marriage
day is God’s best way. I really do! I feel that having premarital sex can, and
often does, muddy the water (complicate things) in a relationship. But here is
what I feel is absolutely wrong, and I am not embarrassed or reluctant to say
it, and that’s casual sex. Having sex with just anyone and everyone because you
had one too many beers or because you are horny is not good. One night stands,
multiple partners, and casual sex are all killers to you ever building a
long-lasting, healthy relationship. And I think -- I’ve never read this
anywhere but feel it is true -- that this is one of the causes of so many
failed relationships. We don’t even know what it is to be committed anymore, I
mean really committed … like till death do us part kind of committed.
Now I’m not stupid! I realize people are going to do what
people do, and my little blog isn’t going to change the world’s sexual
behavior, BUT it may just change YOU and at least get you to stop and think
about how you are living and what you might need to change to have the relationship
you’ve always wanted.
I personally believe a person isn’t even close to being
ready for sex until they are ready for marriage. I mean we all thought we were
ready when we were 16. But we weren’t! Then we thought we were ready in
college, but we weren’t! Anyway, I know this puts a kink in many people’s
lifestyle and they are now wondering, “So now what do I do?” Ha ha!
There are no easy answers, and it’s really tough to stay
sexually pure! Trust me, I remember those days all-too-well. But here is my
advice, wait to have sex until you have found that special person you are going
to spend the rest of your life with. (FYI, typically that doesn’t happen
until AFTER college! And it for sure isn’t happening in junior high or high
school … I don’t care what the little punk tells you! He is an idiot!) I can promise you this, if you do this you
will not regret it, but you will regret living like sex is no big deal, because
it is a special gift that God gives to a couple committed to spending the rest of their lives together!
I want to accomplish one thing in my life, besides being a great husband, a great father and having a great head of hair! And that one thing is to help people have healthier happier relationships!