When is it Right to Have Sex?

If there is ever a subject in church that receives lots of heated debate, it’s the topic of “sex before marriage.” When does a relationship meet the standards of a committed relationship? Is it ON the actual wedding day just after the ceremony? Or after you cut the cake? Or is it after the first dance? Or after rice, or birdseed is thrown on you? Is it on the engagement day? What about when you decide to move in together? We all want to know, because we want to have sex as soon as possible.  

What is a committed relationship, really?

I remember going to a youth camp as a kid, and they had brought in a special speaker specifically to address the “Love Waits” message of abstinence. I am ornery, always have been, and kept thinking I wanted to corner the speaker after his talk and ask, “So, did you wait till you were married?” I can guess with some certainty that he didn’t. Like most of us. Statistics alone prove this out. Now I am not saying that it makes it right because everybody is doing it, I’m just sayin.

So I guess the question is: When is it right to have sex?  

As I am typing I am thinking to myself, why in Heaven did I decide to blog on this topic?! Ha ha! I can give you the easy answer that most pastors give, and that is to say, “Just wait until you are married.” See how easy that was? But I think it could be a bit more complicated than that, honestly!

Now, let me be clear, I feel that to wait till the marriage day is God’s best way. I really do! I feel that having premarital sex can, and often does, muddy the water (complicate things) in a relationship. But here is what I feel is absolutely wrong, and I am not embarrassed or reluctant to say it, and that’s casual sex. Having sex with just anyone and everyone because you had one too many beers or because you are horny is not good. One night stands, multiple partners, and casual sex are all killers to you ever building a long-lasting, healthy relationship. And I think -- I’ve never read this anywhere but feel it is true -- that this is one of the causes of so many failed relationships. We don’t even know what it is to be committed anymore, I mean really committed … like till death do us part kind of committed.

Now I’m not stupid! I realize people are going to do what people do, and my little blog isn’t going to change the world’s sexual behavior, BUT it may just change YOU and at least get you to stop and think about how you are living and what you might need to change to have the relationship you’ve always wanted.

I personally believe a person isn’t even close to being ready for sex until they are ready for marriage. I mean we all thought we were ready when we were 16. But we weren’t! Then we thought we were ready in college, but we weren’t! Anyway, I know this puts a kink in many people’s lifestyle and they are now wondering, “So now what do I do?” Ha ha!

Bottom Line:

There are no easy answers, and it’s really tough to stay sexually pure! Trust me, I remember those days all-too-well. But here is my advice, wait to have sex until you have found that special person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. (FYI, typically that doesn’t happen until AFTER college! And it for sure isn’t happening in junior high or high school … I don’t care what the little punk tells you! He is an idiot!) I can promise you this, if you do this you will not regret it, but you will regret living like sex is no big deal, because it is a special gift that God gives to a couple committed to spending the rest of their lives together!