Pre-Marriage Questions
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QUESTIONS TO DISCUSS BEFORE
YOU SAY – “I DO!”
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Talk About Money
1. Am I a spender or saver – and what's my partner?
Are we comfortable spending money on the same things (such as organic food), or
do we argue about money on dates or vacations? Another important premarital
question about money: Will we have joint or separate accounts, and who will pay
the bills?2. Are we in debt? What are our plans for getting out of debt, and do we have retirement goals? Have we taken a money management course for couples? Who's responsible for our financial investments?
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Talk About Physical Intimacy
3. Have we discussed our sexual health? Do
either of you have a STD, and are you taking measures to prevent it from
spreading? Can you comfortably discuss your intimate body parts and functions?
Here's a premarital question about body image: Does your weight or appearance
affect your ability to be intimate – and can you be honest about that?4. What do we know about our preferences for intimacy? Have you talked about the preferred time of day for intimacy, number of times per week (or day), place, lights on or off, length of contact, foreplay, or how adventurous you want to be?
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Talk About Household Chores
5. Who cleans the bathroom, does the laundry, vacuums, and maintains
the lawn/garden? Who cooks the meals and does the dishes? A good
premarital question that's not often discussed: Who buys the groceries and
maintains the car? What will your division of labor look like, especially if
you have kids?6. What are our pet peeves? Does it bother you if the toilet paper is on "upside down" or are you usually completely out altogether? Do you leave the cap off your toothbrush, the toilet seat up, or the fridge door open? A practical premarital question: Can you handle another person – even one you love – in "your space"?
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Talk About Children
7. Have we, individually and as a couple, decided whether we want
children? If so, have we considered how kids will affect our
careers, lifestyle, recreation, privacy, social interests, money, and plans for
the future? Figure this out before the wedding day.8. What about infertility, unplanned pregnancies, or fostering or adopting? Premarital discussion that build a healthy marriage need to include honest discussions about having children.
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Discuss Your Careers
9. Are we both professionally established? Should
we both work full-time? Have we discussed whether one of us wants additional
training, education, or experience? A typical premarital question: Can we
afford changes in income, and does it mesh with our life goals as a married
couple?10. How do we deal with job stress? Are we grumpy or emotionally unavailable because we bring our work home – or work from home? Is our health affected by job stress? A practical premarital question is: Do we carry pagers or cell phones; if we have shift work does that impact our personal lives?
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Talk About Religion
11. Are we both committed to a relationship with Christ? How
important is Faith, Religion, Church, God, Spirituality? Will we attend church?
What denomination? Will we give financially (tithe)? How involved will we be? 12. Will you be okay to have a spouse who is uninterested in faith? Would you go to church alone?
