Another thing I talk to couples about in my pre-marital sessions is the hole idea of compromise or what I like to call "Meeting in the Middle" is something you will need to do many times in a marriage.
Just FYI, if you think you are going to get married and always get your way ... you might want to wake up from that little fantasy dream world, cause it ain't going to happen! It's funny, but I've actually had couples express that, "oh we agree on everything (then they giggle and wink at each other) ... we are like two peas in a pod." 100% of the time those "two peas in a pod" become two peas in a soup - messy, lukewarm and not together on many issues.
So what is the answer to this? Simple, you must talk and meet in the middle on the issue. And if you don't the area in between where you stand and your spouse stands on any given issue there lives frustration, bitterness, resentment, hatred, and all things bad.
Let me give you some common case in points I have had to help couples "meet in the middle" on:
- Let's say the husband wants sex every day, and the wife wants sex once a week. Okay, there is a problem. He is frustrated because he feels he isn't getting it enough. She is resentful because she feels that's all he wants her for is her body. And the reality is that this issue will not go away on its own and it certainly will not get better if either one gets their way at the others expense. I mean it can't be a win lose ... we are looking for a win win.
So what do you do? Get divorced? No! Buy a tube of KY Jelly and send him to the bathroom? No! Tell him to take a cold shower? Maybe! Lol!
Actually you COMMUNICATE and meet in the middle on the issue. He shares WHY he wants you so much ... he loves you, this is how he expresses his love, and he wants to be close to you, he thinks your smoking hot, therefor he want to be with you. She expresses that she's busy and would like to just snuggle more (the famous line) be close and talk ... no sexually touching. Anyway, the bottom line is you come up with a happy medium; let's have sex 3 times a week. Now he is happy, she's happy. It's not every day, and it's not once a week ... both have compromised. Now the key is once the agreement is made, you can not be upset about what you agreed was okay!
Side note: Don't be unmovable jerk on issues. Don't be the idiot jerko guy who demands "once a day" or your going to pout like a 3 year old toddler. Same for the women, don't be a naggy haggy who just pouts, withholding sex, or reluctantly giving it up. Come on! That is no way to live. It makes for a crappy marriage. No one wants that!
There are so many other things like this I counsel couples on ... the other one is the whole "he is a dirty slob ... i hate picking up after him..." ... I will discuss this one tomorrow. So tune in ... and send your friends my link!