II. What is okay (sexually) within the marriage?
Now that is a great question that many people, especially Christians are asking! Obviously this is something that should be discussed with your spouse in detail, BUT there are some fundamental things to build from:
1) No additional partners, duh this would be considered adultery. Even if a spouse agrees, it’s still adultery. At the end of our life we stand before God, not our spouse. Even though guys often dream of the days of Solomon who had 700 wives… sorry, even though that sounds exciting, it’s not okay.
a. I would even go as far to say that to include pornographic movies is bad. (if you want to know specifically why… leave a comment please!)
b. Though, I would say that sex toys are fine IF, and ONLY IF you and your spouse agree to incorporate them in some way.
2) Nothing harmful.
3) Nothing degrading.
4) Must be agreed upon. Anything forced is wrong! If I can just be real honest here, any guy who would force something on his wife is an idiot! If you really love someone you would never “force” them to do anything they don’t want to do. (If she does not want to engage in any sexual activity at all, even then you would not force it, but I would drive to a counselor’s office to get that worked out today.) Now occasionally “begging” is okay. Ha! I’ve heard of spouses who have used guilt to get their mate to do certain things… not okay! Like saying, “honey the bible says that you are to submit to my desires and do such-n-such to meet my need…” If your husband says that, slap him in the face and say that was from Pastor Timmy. Come on, a marriage should be a mutually fulfilling relationship where both the husband and the wife are happy, free, and fulfilled. No spouse should feel as though they are enslaved…
5) Experiment and SHARE your fantasies w/spouse … role playing (i.e. Doctor & patient or Cops & Robbers, or Office rendezvous (w/spouse) Dress up, wearing masks, etc. All these things are completely acceptable in my opinion IF YOU ARE cool with it and the above guidelines are followed.)
To me if you do not have a fulfilling relationship, which includes your sex life, with your spouse it leaves the door open for “other” relationships to develop. I think we should do everything we can to nurture and cultivate a very passionate relationship with the person you are married to!
Remember this is just my opinion, you do not have to agree … and we can still be friends!