Good Grief - One Year Ago Today

(My sister and me in 2011)

One year ago today (on July 29, 2013) my sister Kimberle Rae passed away at 40 years of age. Still weird to say, still weird in so many ways. There is a part of me that feels like she is just away on a trip and I will see her any day now. I know this isn't true, but it feels that way. It's just very weird. I don't know how else to say it, but it's just a weird feeling. It's also weird for me because we were on the "outs" at the time of her passing ... and that really sucks. I definitely try not be on the "outs" with anyone I care about now, it's not worth it.

The deep feelings of sadness are further apart with each passing day, and that is good and I assume the way it is supposed to be. I mean I don't think you necessarily hurt any less as time goes on, you're just able to cope with the feelings of loss better.

I think it's important that we don't die with those who have died. That's not what they would want, and that is definitely no help to all those who remain. Those who live should do just that - LIVE!

There is no doubt, I have been impacted by my sister's "death" (and really I like to say, "her move to Heaven") ... it's given me a different perspective on relationship, our time here, and just that life is fragile, temporary, and very precious! Treat it as such.

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5 Roadblocks to Getting a Date

The reality is that there are probably some reasons certain people get dates easily, and others do not. Here are 5 helpful things to consider. Of course this only matters if you WANT to go on dates! Ha ha!

1. Your style.

To be "fashion conscience" doesn't mean you must look like someone else, or that you should flip through the latest magazine and adopt the latest trend in fashion as yours! No, no no!  Don't be someone you are not, but it's important to have a style. I am sure you are aware, there are a million different "styles" out there, find one or create one.

For example: Might be time to cut the mullet, and donate the Jordache jeans to Good Will and drop those mesh crop tops in the trash … and that's just the guys I'm talking to!

Seriously though, it's important to have some fashion sense, especially if you are single and looking to ever get a date! Consult with someone who knows something about style, and have a make-over of sorts. Just make sure it's a style that is reflective of you and your personality.

2. Personal Hygiene.

Good grooming techniques are important in getting dates, or at least getting a second date. Trim your nails, brush your teeth, bathe, where cologne (Some people are very sensitive to smells … you want to make sure you produce a pleasant smell not an offensive one), put some deodorant on, etc. And make sure to shave the hair above the nose that connects the eyebrows, etc.

3. Your Manners, or lack of. (This is a very important one!)

You may have some bad habits you are unaware of; smacking when you eat, picking your nose, interrupting people when they are talking, talking over people, standing too close to people, talking too loud or any annoying traits that you aren't aware of but others are picking up from you.

Maybe “your manners” are a little creepy, like staring weirdly at someone you feel is attractive … yet you say not a word. Creeper alert! Again consult some people and get some helpful feedback.

Ask some of your close friends, they will tell you, hopefully., if not call me (913) 390-1200 and I will consult you.

4. You're too busy.

You may be the perfect catch for someone, but you are simply too busy. You don't get out there. So no one knows you are available. If your working a ton of hours, and do not have anytime for yourself, then it's going to be a challenge to get dates. Make time to date.

5. Too Eager.

Eager can be good, but being too eager can be a turn off. No one wants someone who is desperate.

Here is a LINK to the TV interview on Better KC on KCTV 5: VIDEO

Where Am I Going?

I ask myself, "Where Am I Going?" a lot these days. I'm not talking about Heaven and Hell here either. I am talking about life in general. I'm sure it's part of being 45 years old I guess - the whole mid-life thing. I think and feel different about a lot of things as I get older. It's weird. Though I do feel that it's a valid question to ask ourselves. Because I think we all have a rough idea of what we'd wish for, or what we would like, or what would be cool. Right?

As I ponder the question what pops up in my head is that it's important to make sure that I do know where I want to go in life and then to make sure I do what would lead me there, and not do what would keep me from there. Make sense? I mean if I want a good life then I ought to limit the bad stuff, right?! I mean, that would only make sense.

Another thought is to *seek the wisdom of those who are where you want to be, or are well on their way to getting there on some level. Evaluate your life, your choices, your friends, your spending habits, etc. Make whatever changes necessary to help you get on your way to wherever it is you want to go.

*This can be done through reading books, and even actually setting up appointments with people. Make sure to have your questions written down before you meet them, and take good notes.

And finally, get moving!

I See Problems, God Sees Answers

There are five kinds of people, as I see it, when it comes to dealing with problems.

1) Those who see problems and love to point them out. (Problem Finders)

2) Those who see problems and love to whine, grip and complain about them. (Problem Whiners)

3) Those who act as though there are no problems. (Where's Waldo Problems)

4) Those who see problems and want nothing to do with them so they run away. (Problem Chickens)

Then there is my personal favorite ...

5) Those who see problems and go straight to trying to find answers and fix them. (Problem Solvers)

The three most destructive behaviors are #2, #3, and #4 ... and to me the most destructive to an organization is #2, Problem Whiners. These are the people who spoil not only themselves, but everyone else around them. They are poisonous to any team attempting to accomplish a vision. Complaining is easy... it's a sign of laziness. Don't be that guy!

There are always going to be problems, in every family, in every church, in every work place, in every school, in every team, in every organization, absolutely everywhere. And this is because there are no perfect people.

My Challenge:

Be a problem solver in whatever church, team, organization, school, group you are in! Be the kind of person who when you see a problem you look to find answers and then ACT! Fix it! Rally people around you to help you fix it. Let people know TOGETHER WE CAN DO THIS!

Side note:  I believe in a Christian context that usually when we see a problem God is calling us to FIX IT! That is why the problem has been revealed to us, because we have the capacity to do something about it. This should give you a different perspective on "problems." They are revealed to you to do something about it, so be a person of courage and ACT!

Picnic with Spice

1) Picnic & Photo shoot.

 The idea here is to have a little picnic somewhere special, but during meal capture the moments, the laughter by snapping pictures. With phones being cameras now it's not like you have to remember "the camera." Also, after you finish eating look for some cool areas to snap off some cool pictures to share on Instagram.

2) Picnic & Poems.

 This idea is simple, only a little pre-planning before the date (or have your smart phone handy) bring some poems you feel communicate what you might want to say to your partner ... during the meal read them to each other.

3) Picnic & Massage. 

 Easy, just eat and rub. (That sounded weird! ha ha!) A nice neck and shoulder rub after you eat, or feet and hands ... you can figure it out.

4) Picnic & Kisses.

 There's nothing more romantic than kissing ... so be intentional about lots of kisses, throughout picnic, after, on the way home ... and the kisses can be on the arm, the hands, the feet, the cheek, lips, behind the ear ... you get the idea ... keep it Rated PG though, especially if in public.

5) Picnic & Dreams.

 This will take some prep, at least some pre-thought prep. Take some time before this picnic and really think about what your dreams are.  Where do you want to live?  What do you want to do? Where do you want to travel? What are your dreams? This is a fantastic way to really get to know someone! Critically important if this person is a potential life partner. You want to really know them ... and knowing what someone dreams about let's you in their heart.

One more for fun:  

6) Picnic in Paris (or wherever you wish). 

 The idea here is themed picnics ... pick a place you want to go and make sure to bring food specific to that place, maybe have some pictures pulled up on your phone, read some facts and insights to "the place" and dream of being there, and if you are really good even do the accent. That would be impressive.

Qualities of a Good Friend

It seems that there are a lot of squirrelly ideas on what a "good friend" actually is these days. I ran across a quote that on one hand was funny and cute, but in my opinion rather misleading; "A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn ...that was fun!"

The very essence of a "good" friend gives the impression of "good" things taking place. And that wouldn't include things that are illegal or harmful. So what are the qualities of a "good" friend? We need to know this so that we can not only BE a good friend, but know what to look for when searching out good friends.

For example consider these questions: Would a Good Friend allow his buddy to drive drunk? Would a good friend drive drunk when his friend is in the car?

1) They influence you to DO and BE good.

2) They challenge you to DO and BE more.

3) They make you a BETTER person.

4) They PROTECT you from evil. (This would include all things illegal & harmful ... including people!)

5) They are HONEST.

6) They are TRUSTWORTHY.

7) They have your BEST INTEREST at heart.

8) They ENCOURAGE you to achieve great things.

I highly recommend you find people like this, and extend them the hand of friendship. As well you should be this kind of person to your friends.

Be a good friend, and find good friends!

Disclaimer: I realize you can not make people do anything! And as a friend sometimes we want good things for those around us, but in the end we are each accountable for the choices we make and what we do with what we have been given.

One day I believe we will all stand before a Holy Righteous God and give account for everything we've done that we shouldn't have done, everything we haven't done that we should have done, and every word we've ever spoken will be reviewed. If that scares you, good! It should, it scares the Hell out of me! But don't we want to be and do good because it's right? Not just because we will give an account to God some day, but because it is what is right. I do!

Moving Forward

One of the most difficult things to do when we are afraid, tired, distressed, lonely, sad, or depressed is to keep moving forward. What we really want to do is lay down. But in life we must keep moving forward ... we must press on, no matter what.

There is a scene in the movie, Sleepless in Seattle which is the story of a man, played by Tom Hanks, who lost his wife and is having trouble moving on. And his little boy, in an attempt to help his Dad move on, calls a radio talk show host to get his Dad some help... here is that scene!

I love this movie! And for many reasons, but primarily because it has a powerful message of moving on, moving forward, pressing on even when it's hard to do so. So to all my family and friends and the few others who read my blog, if you find yourself in a difficult situation and moving forward seems impossible, just keep moving forward. One day at a time! Reminds me of an old church song that I love, One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus ...

Chorus: 

 One day at a time sweet Jesus 

 That's all I'm asking from you. 

 Just give me the strength 

 To do everyday what I have to do. 

 Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus 

And tomorrow may never be mine. 

 Lord help me today, show me the way 

 One day at a time.

Happiness Isn't Always an Easy Choice

We all have heard or read the quote, "Happiness is a choice!" And while I have said it many many times, and do believe it to be true I also know that it's not always an easy choice.

I am fortunate that my personality type is pretty-much the optimistic-happy-type, so it comes easier to me than some I suspect, but still it's not always easy even for me. So I guess the question I want to address here is - How to choose happiness even when it's not easy to?

1) Make time in your life to do things that make you happy.

I teach a lot on being selfless and giving yourself away, helping others, etc etc. But there is a balance to that! You can't give what you don't have, so it is vitally important to give to yourself!


2) If there is something in your life that is ripping happiness from you, change it.

Obviously there is a balance to this as well. I mean kids can rip your happiness from you at times, I know this cause I have 2 of them, ha ha! So I am not saying so post them on craigslist ... no no no! I am talking about those things that we sometimes feel obligated to but don't have to do. But since we are people pleasers we do them. I suggest you stop. :) If it's a person, then maybe there should be a change, or at least a heart to heart conversation.


3) Resolve your inner issues.

In my 24 years of ministry I have seen people's past issues cause many problems in their life. It keeps them from happiness, and it doesn't need to.  Resolve the issues. And whatever you do learn to be a person who forgives and moves on! Don't allow junk from the past to dirty your future.

4) Find peace with God.

Of course I believe that true happiness is achieved through a healthy relationship with Jesus Christ. But let's just be honest here, I know, I am sure you do as well, Christians who are extremely unhappy! So I am not naive enough to think that just "being a Christian" makes you a happy joe lucky person! And when I hear preachers who try and sell that message I cringe, because it's just not so. It's just like the message of being a Christian will make you healthy and wealthy. Nutty! To be wealthy you must apply principles of wealth to your finances, same for health ... apply the principles. (I will stop ranting!)

Final Thoughts

I am aware that life isn't fair. Some people in this life are dealt poor hands and it sucks! And for them happiness can seem allusive, but it's worth the pursuit! Blessings to you!

Understanding God's Will

I have been teaching a series called, "Understanding God's Will" at Mercy Church on Sundays for the last several weeks and it's been fabulous! Not because I am teaching it, but because we are all in search of "God's Will" and this series is helping us understand better what God's Will is everyone AND how to better understand God's Will for our personal lives.

God is interested in every facet of our lives, and He will lead us and guide us ... are we listening? I hope so!

What series on our VIMEO page! I really do think it will shed some light on many misconceptions in making sense of God's Will, and how He works in the world today.