What Men Want (1 of 2)

I have counseled hundreds of couples, and worked with hundreds of men over the years and I see a common thread to What Men Want from their partner. Not to mention I am a man and have been one for 45 years now ... I know what I want, and I have found that I am not all that different from the men I have met.

If you want to bring the best out of your man, then keep reading! (And don't you worry, I am working on What Women Want next) These are things that many times your man will not tell you for fear of rejection or ridicule, but I have no fear of that so I shall tell all.

Q: What Do Men Want From The Woman in Their Life?

1) Sexuality. (Please, do read on!)

I don't think women fully understand the depth of sexual pressure a man deals with, just as men don't fully understand the depth of emotional pressure a woman deals with.

      a. Sexual Responsiveness.
Men don't want their partner to give in to their advances out of a feeling of duty or obligation. They want you to respond in a positive way, even if it's a "no" at this time, be kind about it. Here are some things NOT to say in response to his sexual advances:

  • "Please stop touching me you perve!" (Even adding in the word 'please' doesn't help)
  • "Ewww, you are gross."
  • "Really, we just had sex a month ago and you need it again already."
  • "All you think about is sex, you should see a Doctor!"

I know for me, even if it's a "no" right now if I am told that, "later after the kids go to bed would work for intimacy" I am totally cool with that - it gives me something to look forward to. And sometimes the anticipation is exciting. But if it's a "no" with no promise of when, then men go to a dark place and think, 'if it's a no now, it may be a no tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that ... it's never going to happen again.' I know, crazy, but this is where men go in their heads.

    b. Want Him. 
Men want to be wanted just like women; we want to be desired. I realize that what I am saying here isn't true for all relationships, I am speaking in general terms. I have heard of relationships where the woman is the one always wanting sex and the man is slacking. But in my practice this is not the normal. In most relationships the only time there is sex is when the man initiates. This is very sad.

Women say, "well he wants it more than me and I have no time to initiate, when I think of it, he already has initiated." This is an easy fix, get a head start on him with a note in his briefcase, or in his car about what you will do to him when he gets home. Here is the thing, this doesn't need to be something you feel like doing, you just do it. You can initiate sex even if you don't feel like it.

Men want to feel like you think he is handsome. I know in my marriage my wife does not make noises and sexy comments every time there is a movie trailer with Brad Pitt in it. And this is nothing I have ever asked her to not do. I am fairly secure in myself. But in all reality, duh, of course Brad Pitt is handsome, even straight guys want to marry him. My wife may say, "he is a cool dude" or something to that effect, but she actually compliments me like I was some hot famous movie star. I give her the same respect.

I have been around women (married women) and have heard them say stuff in the presence of their husband about other men, like a Brad Pitt, that I could not even believe. I even heard one wife say, "I'd leave you for him!" she then laughed like it was a joke. It wasn't funny. Some jokes are funny, until they aren't.

    c. Have Fun.
Men want to have fun in the bedroom. This doesn't mean that every single time needs to be a circus. But men are visual, so stimulate him visually - wear lingerie, outfits, etc. Light candles, have music playing, set the mood. (Guys you can help do this too! This isn't only the woman's job!)

Baseball games are won by base hits, not home runs usually. But a home run ever so many at bats sure is exhilarating. My rule of thumb is every month or so, do something really special. For example, lots of foreplay, or massages, stimulate in others ways beside just straight love making (I pray you know what I am trying to say without saying it here.)

To Be Continued ...

Don't worry ladies, men actually do want a few other things other than sex, but sex is a HUGE part of the makeup of a man. And many men wish they weren't wired so sexually, but we are. To me if there is a man in your life that you love, why wouldn't you want to do everything in your power to make him feel loved, respected, cared for and fulfilled sexually? I mean that only makes sense, right!

Disclaimer: I am speaking to people in a committed relationship (Marriage). I also realize that the stuff I am saying only really works if the man in your life is a pretty wonderful guy who is attentive to you and your needs. It's hard to give to someone who is a total jerk. I am sorry if that is the kind of marriage you are in! That stinks!