I blog a lot about love and marriage because they are dear to my heart. I consider them to be critical parts to living a full happy life. When our relationships are going well it makes the rest of life better.
One of the main reasons people can go from loving each other like crazy to hating each other and feeling crazy is this whole idea of reconciliation. When we are at odds with someone we need to find a way to reconcile whatever the issue is. And what often keeps us from reconciling is pride, as well as hurt feelings and selfishness. I am right and you are wrong, of course!
To me reconciliation doesn’t mean we end up agreeing. It may mean we end up agreeing to disagree. I hate that I have used that line here, but it fits. When people speak of “irreconcilable differences” they are often referring to some thing they couldn’t reconcile, so it becomes irreconcilable. I personally feel there are only a couple things that are irreconcilable. But most everything else is totally reconcilable, you just gotta reconcile them. And to do that you need to reconcile.
In order to reconcile both people must remove the bullets and place the guns on the table. And really listen to the position of the person they are in relationship with. What they feel! Why they feel that way! And why it is important to them! Then you wrestle through to the point of being able to reconcile the issue. And when you reconcile it’s not always a 50/50 deal, sometimes it’s a 70/30 or even 80/20 deal. But trust me, there will come a time when it goes the other way and it becomes a 20/80 deal.
Happy marriages (committed relationships) are a give and take! And sometimes on some issues one does more giving and the other does more taking. But there will come a time when the one that did the taking will do more of the giving. It will go back and forth like this till one or both of you die. This is why you will often hear me say that marriage is most difficult for people who are super selfish! Because they only want to take, not give. And that doesn’t work.
Bottom line, if you are in a relationship and have an issue that needs reconciliation, be vigilant to reconcile whatever it is you need to reconcile! It’s worth it!