Happy Marriage In Just 21 Words
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Make what is important to him important to you, and he should make what is important to you important to him!
Tips to Having a Freakin Awesome Wedding
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I have been in the wedding business now for over 20 years and can tell you with absolute certainty what things are MOST important in creating a wonderful memorable wedding! And there are ways to guarantee your special day to be awesome!
1) Plan way ahead so you get what you want when you want it.
Plus this helps alleviate the frustrating last minute cramming stuff.
2) Hire a Wedding Planner. (And make sure it's a good one!)
Most people baulk because of the cost, but truly what you save in heartache, frustration and dealing with details it's worth it! And you can also hire a Wedding Planner at a reduced rate for "Day Of Planning" ... this may fit the budget better. Another good thing about Wedding Planners, especially a good one, is that they know the business and will think of all the things you would have had to read about to think of ... again they are worth the investment!
3) Make sure to hire and pay for a great photographer & videographer!
I am 100% against having a "family member who likes to take pictures" do it! Don't! Trust me on this! Now, if you want to have them be an additional shooter, great! But not the main one. The only exception would be if they are truly an awesome photographer. But even then, let them be family and enjoy the wedding like the rest of the family.
4) Relax and have fun, It's your special day, enjoy it!
Chill. For real! Refuse to let anyone or anything mess up the good vibes. Just don't.
5) Don't let family ruin anything ... do what you want HOW you want!
This goes along with #4, but I am telling you (listen close) This is YOUR wedding, not his parents or your parent's wedding, it's YOURS! Do whatever the hell you want, HOW you want to do it. So many couples fight over this stuff. It's easy, no fight necessary ... do what you want, it's your wedding, period! End of story. No discussion needed. I will add, I don't care who is writing the check. They can either give the money freely with no strings or conditions or they can keep their money and regret not blessing you.
6) Don't leave for Honeymoon the very next morning.
I have heard many people regret the 5:00 am flight on the next day! I am also someone who regrets this decision along with my wife, Jana. We wished we had given ourselves a day to just recoup before flying off to Hawaii. Live and learn.
7) Hire the right *Officiant!
Obviously I am going to be passionate about this one. I mean let's be honest here, the Officiant is the most important person in the room (outside the Bride and Groom) without them you can't get married. You can get married without a cake, a dress, flowers, music, etc. but you can't get married without an Officiant. But seriously I have heard horror stories of when people have had their "cousin" or "friend" who acquired his/her license online for $19.99. This is one of the biggest days and moments of your life HIRE a professional. And not only a "professional" but someone who is legit and fits your personality. Like a real Pastor or a real Judge!
*Always INTERVIEW him/her before you hire them! Unless you have already seen them in action and know they are good or if they come highly recommended by someone you trust, then go for it.
Bottom line: If you want the best, hire the best!
Q&A BEFORE YOU SAY – “I DO!”
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o Talk About Money
1. Am I a spender or saver – and what's my partner? Are we comfortable spending money on the same things (such as organic food), or do we argue about money on dates or vacations? Another important premarital question about money: Will we have joint or separate accounts, and who will pay the bills?
2. Are we in debt? What are our plans for getting out of debt, and do we have retirement goals? Have we taken a money management course for couples? Who's responsible for our financial investments?
o Talk About Physical Intimacy
3. Have we discussed our sexual health? Do either of you have a STD, and are you taking measures to prevent it from spreading? Can you comfortably discuss your intimate body parts and functions? Here's a premarital question about body image: Does your weight or appearance affect your ability to be intimate – and can you be honest about that?
4. What do we know about our preferences for intimacy? Have you talked about the preferred time of day for intimacy, number of times per week (or day), place, lights on or off, length of contact, foreplay, or how adventurous you want to be?
o Talk About Household Chores
5. Who cleans the bathroom, does the laundry, vacuums, and maintains the lawn/garden? Who cooks the meals and does the dishes? A good premarital question that's not often discussed: Who buys the groceries and maintains the car? What will your division of labor look like, especially if you have kids?
6. What are our pet peeves? Does it bother you if the toilet paper is on "upside down" or are you usually completely out altogether? Do you leave the cap off your toothbrush, the toilet seat up, or the fridge door open? A practical premarital question: Can you handle another person – even one you love – in "your space"?
o Talk About Children
7. Have we, individually and as a couple, decided whether we want children? If so, have we considered how kids will affect our careers, lifestyle, recreation, privacy, social interests, money, and plans for the future? Figure this out before the wedding day.
8. What about infertility, unplanned pregnancies, or fostering or adopting? Premarital discussion that build a healthy marriage need to include honest discussions about having children.
o Discuss Your Careers
9. Are we both professionally established? Should we both work full-time? Have we discussed whether one of us wants additional training, education, or experience? A typical premarital question: Can we afford changes in income, and does it mesh with our life goals as a married couple?
10. How do we deal with job stress? Are we grumpy or emotionally unavailable because we bring our work home – or work from home? Is our health affected by job stress? A practical premarital question is: Do we carry pagers or cell phones; if we have shift work does that impact our personal lives?
o Talk About Religion
11. Are we both committed to a relationship with Christ? How important is Faith, Religion, Church, God, Spirituality? Will we attend church? What denomination? Will we give financially (tithe)? How involved will we be?
12. Will you be okay to have a spouse who is uninterested in faith? Would you go to church alone?
What Do You Think About Your Spouse?
/It is said that we are the sum total of our thoughts. I believe this to be true as it relates to our relationships. If you think good of your partner, good follows, if you think bad of your partner bad follows. Now this isn't magical ... it's a lifestyle.
Think for just a second, what are your dominate thoughts about your partner? Are they good or bad? How you think about your partner often translates into how you feel about them and how you seem them.
My challenge: Think about the good things. The things you like, love about your partner, not just the things you don't like.
Mercy Church Olathe - A Church on the Move
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Photo Credit: Whitney Box
Wow, what a huge turn out for Mercy Church's FIRST service in Olathe! It was overwhelming to see so many people turn out, some familiar faces, as well as some new faces! Imagine that, "first time guests" coming to church in a garage, crazy cool!
Big thank you to everyone who helped make this happen! Absolutely impossible to have done it alone ... you know who you are! The Elders, Management Team, Staff, Team Leaders, all Volunteers and the entire community at Mercy Church are just amazing! Thank you for believing in me and Jana and the vision of Mercy Church
to lead people to a healthy relationship with Jesus Christ, without being weird about it!
BIG NEWS:
This week, Sunday, June 14 is our LAST WEEK in my garage ... we have a summer location that is going to be sweet - with A/C! We'll start meeting in NEW summer space Sunday, June 21 (Father's Day) and we'll be celebrating with a BIG HOT PANCAKE BREAKFAST (including Sausage, Eggs, Potatoes, Fruit Salad, Biscuits and Gravy and juice! Everyone is invited out!
For purposes of food preparations PLEASE shoot me an
to let me know you are coming so I can tell the cooks how much food to prepare! Thank you!
(Photo taken by Professional Photographer and Mercy Church member: Whitney Box)
Mercy Church in a Garage, Really?
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Q: Why is Mercy Church starting in a garage in Olathe, Kansas?
A: Simple, we are starting over as a church and we want to conserve our resources. And in order to re-group we (Elders and Staff) felt we should start small and see just where God takes Mercy Church from here. Yes, it's going to be ridiculously awesome crazy at first, but this will give us an idea of just what to prepare for as we move forward.
As many of you know, Mercy Church has a 13 year history in Kansas City. Originally starting in Olathe, Kansas in 2003 as Olathe Life Fellowship, then in 2009 changed name to Mercy Church, then in 2010 moved to Prairie Village. And now June 2015 we are moving back home to Olathe ... to start all over, in a garage! But we are in good company, many a great organizations (pictured above) started in a garage, faced hardship, loss, failure, bankruptcy yet went on to change the world.
The good news is we haven't filed bankruptcy or anything, but we've fallen on hard lean times and it's only up from here for Mercy Church. I hope you will join us in the journey of Mercy moving forward!
Zechariah 4:10 "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand." - NLT
I am sure you remember the Sunday School story of the five loaves and two fish from the little boy that were brought to Jesus? Instead of despising the boy’s small lunch, Jesus caused the small lunch to feed more than 5,000 people with 12 baskets full of leftovers! Friends, whatever you are building right now in your career, ministry or business, don't despise the day of small, humble and seemingly insignificant beginnings. (I am preaching to myself now!) Involve Jesus and allow His provision of favor, wisdom and power to multiply and grow whatever little things are in your hands. See them as your very own “five loaves and two fish” even when people around you mock and belittle you. Learn to disregard such people and lay your little before Jesus. While you and I have no power to supernaturally multiply, Jesus certainly does!
Blessings to you!
If you are interested in joining Mercy Church on this journey, here is the info?
Sunday, June 7 - 10:00 am
16272 S. Lennox St. Olathe, KS 66062
(913) 390-1200
Mercy Church is Moving to Olathe
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Mercy Church is moving back home to Olathe this summer (Our first Sunday in Olathe will be June 7, 2015), the city where it all began 13 years ago on January 5, 2003! Wow, 13 years ago... gesh, I am getting old!
I don't even know where to start this blog really, so I'll just start: We moved from Olathe down to Prairie Village back in February of 2010 with hopes and dreams of continuing to fulfill the vision and mission of "leading people to a healthy relationship with Jesus Christ" ... without being weird about it! And we have reached many wonderful people, many of whom will be a part of the move back to Olathe, but we never hit stride like we intended. There have been several people over the last 6 years who have said that, "Mercy Church restored my faith in God AND the church!" And because of that how can I have regrets for the work we did accomplish down in Prairie Village. There are people and relationships that have been forged that would have never happened had we not moved.
I have pondered, as anyone would, did we miss God moving from Olathe in the first place? I mean it was going so well, why the move? I can honestly say I do not feel we missed God. And for whatever purpose God lead us to move to Prairie Village, and now He is leading us back to Olathe. Until God visits me and gives me the "whys" to all that happens in life's journey, I just continue to follow Him the best I can.
I could get into all the reasons I feel we didn't ever thrive in Prairie Village like we had planned, or like we had in Olathe, but that's all water under the bridge now. There's no point or value in coulda-shoulda-wouldas! (I do believe there are great benefits in me and the team knowing the reasons, but for the sake of this blog post it's not important for me to share them. Though I will say if you are a church planter it's critically important to know your city, it's culture, it's vibe, and especially know all the demographics.)
The bottom line for me and Mercy Church is that we (7 Elders and 4 Staff) looked at where we were, and looked at our vision and felt that we needed to move to a community that we could reach our full potential as a church community. And as they say in the business world, "LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION are the three most important things" when looking for a place to launch a business (and this would include launching a church).
If you are interested in attending Mercy Church Olathe, or being a part of the launch team we are assembling, please email me directly and I will get you in touch with the right team member for whatever opportunities you are interested in here at Mercy: tj@mercychurchkc.com
I would like to conclude this blog post by saying I am sorry for those of you who are hurt that we are moving. I am sad, and do wish we could make everyone happy. I know it's not possible, but it is still my wish.
As we prepare for the official public launch date we are assembling a Dream Team ... if you are interested in helping plant a thriving church in Olathe with a vision of leading people to a healthy relationship with Jesus without being weird, please contact us!
Available Leadership Positions:
Worship Leader
Kid's Life Coordinator
Youth Pastor
Small Group Pastor
What Should I Do?
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I cried laughing at the movie This is 40, starring Paul Rudd (actually a High School friend of mine) when they talked about thoughts of killing each other and how would they do it; he said, "I'd throw you in a wood chipper!" She said, "I would poison the cupcakes ... so you would die slowly and peacefully." So funny!
All that aside, What Should I Do? is a great question we should always be asking ourselves, all through our entire life! Let's not get stuck, especially if you are in an unhappy place. Why stay in a bad place in your relationship? Why not change it up? Go get needed counseling! Do something you've never done before? Ask different questions? Ask even the tough questions you are afraid to ask.
The harsh reality is that often we don't know just how good or bad our decisions are until we are living in the results of them. Right? You think he's the perfect one, or she's the perfect one ... then 3 years later ... ugh! The annoyances! Ugh! The hard work begins! Or 3 years later you are just so thrilled about your choice of partner! That "perfect job" that seemed like a Golden Opportunity, doesn't seem so golden in 12 months, or maybe it gets even more golden. Sometimes you just gotta go for it! Jump and see if you fly or fall.
I'm currently reading a book, From Zero to One by Peter Thiel and he says that what often keeps people from achieving greatness is being too "risk-averse" meaning, scared to jump! Scared to try something new ... fear of failure. I've been there. But I've also been on the other side when you do jump, and hope to fly, but you fall. At those times, you get back up and look for another place to jump off again.
Just a side note here in case someone is reading into this post; I am not saying that if you are married and feel as though you are falling to just jump out of the relationship. As you know I am a firm believer in marriage and giving it every shot you can possibly give it before ever 'jumping off' from your commitments! Just to be clear IF you are thinking about getting divorced I highly recommend postponing it at least 3 - 6 months to work on yourself AND your relationship with a Coach, like me, or whoever to save it.
Trust me here, I work with a lot of divorcees and most of them wish they would have given it more of a shot before running the other way. There are a lot of reasons for this; no one wants to be considered a quitter. Especially if they quit without some valiant effort to fix it. But if there is valiant effort and it still ends, you will sleep better knowing you gave it a real shot! Make sense? I'm telling you this only because it will save you from so much guilt, shame, and self esteem issues!
In closing, so how can we make the best decisions when asking the question, "What Should I Do?"
1) Pray/Meditate on it. (Ask God for guidance)
2) Seek advice from friends, family, and professionals. (Those closest to you)
3) Look at the evidence. (What are the facts telling you?)
4) Do the necessary research to get answers.
5) Jump!
Making Long Distance Relationships Work
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First, I have to say that being in a long distance relationship in this age of crazy-awesome technology is far better than back 30 years ago, like when I was dating and all we had was the United States Postal Service! Gesh, I'm old! Ha ha!
7 Things To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work
This is the MOST important element that must be present for a long distance relationship to work, and work well. In fact, this may be the most important element needed for any relationship to work well and be healthy. Without 'trust' there will be constant discord in the relationship. Suspicions run high in relationships where trust is not present.
2) Communication
Text, email, phone call, messenger, letters (the old fashion ones). Of course communication is important in all relationships, but especially when you are far apart it must be intentional and frequent and consistent. Never leave each other hanging!
3) Daily Updates
Now with texting, facebook, snapchat and every other social network you can keep each other updated on the little happenings throughout the day. This keeps your partner in the know with each facet of your everyday life.
4) Be quick to forgive.
No one is perfect, so give your partner a break and be quick about giving forgiveness! You will need it soon enough, so be generous in giving it!
5) Be quick to say, "I'm sorry!"
I was taught growing up we should always be quick to say, "I'm sorry" especially if and when you are the one in the wrong. Make amends! There is nothing more toxic than bitterness, or holding a grudge. Apologize when you are wrong.
6) Trust
I believe there is only one option when it comes to trust, you give it until it is broken. When it is broken, then you must rebuild to a place of trust again (if you chose to walk that road), but that may take some time. And it will definitely take some hard work, oh, and patience!
7) Trust
Refer back to #1 & #6
Rest for the Soul
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I do not think this "busy thing" is unique to pastors. I think this is a problem we all face in culture today, especially with the use of all the wonderful technology, which is a blessing AND a curse. 24 hour connectivity is great for those who need to get a hold of you, but isn't good for the soul.
Take (1) day of rest, a sabbath - Exodus 20:8–11
It's important to have (1) day you cease from your work. Do what you love to do. On that day do only what refreshes you, builds you up, encourages you and makes you smile. Make sure to surround yourself with people who make you laugh, smile and feel good about life.
I must warn you, guard this day with your life! And invite close friends and family to hold you accountable to it. People will try to steal it from you, not intentionally of course, but it will happen. You are often the only one who can stand guard over your life, do it with all diligence! Your Soul will be glad!
I read an amazing book that touches on this topic even more, called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, and I did a review here!
