We See What We Look For

Westend61 / Retales Botijero

It is becoming so clear to me that we really do see what we look for, and we will see and even experience exactly what we expect to see and experience. Now, this is not to say that what we are seeing or experiencing isn't real, or not true, very well could be, but...

If we look for someone to be a jerk, they will seem to be a jerk. If we look for someone to be self-centered, they will seem self-centered. If we look for someone to be uncaring, they will seem uncaring. On and on we go. Right? I mean if we believe our spouse or boss or child is an idiot we'll see his/her every action and decision as idiotic. We will absolutely get what we look for. This is a principle in life.

Far too often what we look for (or see) in others is in fact within us. Typically a narcissist blinded by their own narcissism calls others narcissistic. Psychology teaches us that many times what we judge to be in someone else is within us, what we accuse someone else to be doing is actually what we are doing. And by judging someone else we reveal our own inner demons.

What do you want from life?

If you want (or think) people to be selfish pricks, then you'll look for those traits, you will see them, they are in us all. Do you want people to be self-centered? Then look for those traits, you'll find them, they are in us all. But, if you want people to be kind, caring and good, then look for that, because those traits are also within us all.

I believe that all people have good in them. Yes, we all have negative traits is us too, whether we look for them or not, they are there! And we should each seek to smooth out the rough places, and pursue personal development. I know my negative traits, almost too many to keep track of, but thankfully I am aware of them and not blinded by the mask of perfection.

I am reminded today of something Jesus said in, Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

In counseling I have learned to, keep my eyes on my own paper! And anytime I stand in judgment of others I must look within to see from where does that judgment come from, and finally how is my judgment a reflection of what I am guilty of? This is so hard, cause I want to judge others to make myself feel and look better, more justified, more "perfect" and better than "them over there". Ha ha ha ... when in fact it only reveals my brokenness, and pain.

Finally, let's all walk our healing journey with open hearts free of judgment. Let's allow love to rule our hearts, our words, our thoughts and ultimately our every action.