Make It Count

We all have one life to live, let's make it count for something good!

• If you are a mom ... be the best mom you can be!

• If you are a dad ... be the best dad you can be!

• If you are an employee ... be the best employee you can be!

• If you are a boss ... be the best boss you can be!

• If you are a student ... be the best student you can be!

• If you are a grandparent ... be the best grandparent you can be!

• If you are a son or daughter ... be the best son or daughter you can be!

• If you are a friend ... be the best friend you can be!

• If you are a Christian ... be the best Christian you can be!

• If you are a (FILL IN THE BLANK) ... be the best ________________ you can be!

CLOSING THOUGHT: 

Maybe you are like me and want to be good at so many things, even things that I'm not all that good at?! It is not only depressing, it is a waste of our precious time to want to be or do something we are not able to do. I am not talking about things that might be a real possibility. I am talking about wanting to be a Rockstar and you are in your 50's and can't sing or play an instrument. Make sense? I think we waste a lot of time chasing pipe dreams, when we should be about doing what is right in front of us to do, like love those who we are responsible to and for!

Marriage Works Best When ...

... you give yourself 100% to your partner! It's really the only way. If your first concern is what you are going to get from someone, it's just the wrong thing to build a relationship on. Now, yes what you get from a relationship matters, but I believe that it's more important to think about what you are going to give! And what you should give is ALL OF YOURSELF!

There are all sorts of marriages; unhappy ones, dysfunctional ones, miserable ones, nutty ones, crazy ones, sad ones, but the one you and I want to be in is a happy one! It's not even about 'How many years you've been together' it's about being happy and fulfilled with each passing year. I want to be glad I am married, and glad I am married to who I am married to, don't you?

The opposite of what I am saying here is: Selfishness! And "selfishness" will destroy your relationship quicker than you can say, "help!"And it's easy for all of us to go there. It takes me a nanosecond! But no one likes a selfish-butt-head! But often we are that guy or that girl! 

Let me close with this thought: If your marriage is struggling even a little then I want you, starting today, to begin giving yourself 100% to your partner. Serve them, love them, give to them, be kind and generous in every way possible. Do it for 30 days and see what happens. The first 10 days they are going to think you have started using Crack, but after the 10 days when there is no signs of drug use they will respond.

I love the song All of Me by John Legend says it all! 

All of Me 

by John Legend

[Bridge:] 

Give me all of you 

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts 

Risking it all, though it's hard 

[Chorus:] 

'Cause all of me Loves all of you 

Love your curves and all your edges 

All your perfect imperfections 

Give your all to me I'll give my all to you 

You're my end and my beginning 

Even when I lose I'm winning 

'Cause I give you all of me 

And you give me all of you I give you all of me 

And you give me all of you, oh

What Makes Marriage Work

It seems that I hear of a marriage falling a part every day. It saddens me deeply, because it doesn't have to be this way ... you can make any marriage work. Now I realize that when trust has been violated, and hearts have been shattered, and vows have been broken it's tough. Really tough!

Why do I even care?

I care because I still believe in the institution of marriage, the sanctity of it. I love love! I am fascinated by love. It's powerful when two people can come together and commit to spend the rest of their lives with each other "till death do us part." And not to mention it is the best thing for kids for their parents to be together, of course not if the home is in utter shambles, but there isn't anything better for kids than to have both parents together forever AND happy. It's the way it should be. And when couple get divorced it wrecks havoc on the kids, and even extended family, friends, and society as a whole! Let's be honest, divorce sucks, big time!

Three Things That Make Marriage Work Well:

Disclaimer: What I am about to say is completely dependent on BOTH husband and wife participating! Both must be ALL in, 100%, 100%! One person can't make a marriage work, it takes two. So if you find yourself in a marriage where one is all in and the other is not, it's going to be difficult if not impossible for there to be any awesome stuff accomplished. Now, if you are the one pulling for the marriage I encourage you to pray like crazy! God will give you direction and wisdom. 

Also, no shame or judgment on those who have been divorced, or even those getting a divorce, poop happens! And it's a bummer. I am simply trying to help those who want help, or need a little punch in the arm to get them through a tough situation. 

First and most important ...

1) God

I'm not saying that in a trite arrogant stupid naive way! But when a couple is living a life for God, I mean really living a life after God then they will (should) want to be the Man (husband) or the Woman (wife) God wants them to be.

This means that a man who really loves God will do whatever he can to love and serve his wife and kids. He will be faithful to his wife and kids in every way. This doesn't mean he will do so perfectly and without stumbling along the way from time to time. But his heart is full-on devoted to his wife and kids. His family will be more important than his career, friends and hobbies. Because that is what a real man does!

Same goes for the woman, a woman who loves God will love, respect and serve her husband and kids! She will do whatever is needed to be the pillar of the home. Her husband will come before her friends, her career, or anything else. This is what a real woman does.

I believe God to be a critical facet in any relationship because IF you really really love God you will have a constant voice of *GOOD whispering in your ear encouraging you to love, to give, to cherish, to be faithful, to be strong, etc! It's that constant voice in your heart and mind to do what is right! Let's be honest here, we all need that! In much of society I feel a pull in the other direction! I feel society encouraging me to do whatever the heck I want to do! Basically encouraging me to only think of me, myself and mine. I believe "God" is a crucial aspect in having a happy, healthy long-lasting marriage.

*Hence the reason I encourage being a part of a church community! Not that going to church means you will never have marital issues, but you will have that constant voice of good in your ear, and a support group when and if you do ever face rough times. But I can say with complete certainty that your marriage will be better being a part of a church community than it would NOT being a part of a church community! I am absolutely certain of this.


2) Love Your Spouse

When you get married you give up only thinking of what you want. I don't think most people really get it. Marriage is a joy, a blessing, and full of freedom ... but its a freedom to be faithful, loving, self sacrificing.

When you get married you gain so much, but in gaining so much you do give up things to get what you gain. It's much like anything else in life, you give up some things to gain other things. You gain an income with a job, but you do give up some of your free time in order to work. And it's a fair trade. Same with marriage.

I've had people say to me, "well I deserve to be happy, and my spouse no longer makes me happy!" I laugh when I hear that because happiness is a choice, plain and simple. The sad part is that you are so weak in character and so deceived that you are "deciding" to love someone more than the person you are supposed to love most of all, your spouse. And it's all because you "feel" something. It's ridiculous.

When I have counseled couples recovering from an affair I often ask, "Can you see now that if you had invested all the time an energy in your marriage that you were investing in the 'other person' the grass would have been greener in your own yard rather than the neighbors yard?" 


3) Love Yourself

It is impossible to love someone else fully if you do not love yourself. Loving yourself is an important part of loving your spouse. And when I say, "Love Yourself" I am referring to so many things, i.e. loving your body, loving who you are, loving your life, loving your decisions, etc. etc. I have seen people sabotage their relationship all because they hate themselves. And when someone hates themselves that can not accept love from anyone else, and they definitely can't give love.

Shame is a relationship killer. Shame is different than guilt. Guilt is feeling bad for what you have done, shame is feeling bad about who you are. Guilt is, "I did bad and I feel guilty for it." Shame is, "I do bad, therefor I am bad."


THE GOOD NEWS

Here is the good news about all three of these, God, Love Your Spouse, and Love Yourself ... YOU CAN DO IT! No one is without hope. Anyone can begin doing these things today, right now. Your Marriage can be turned around, YOU can turn it around! Seriously!  It's never too late, in my opinion.

Another Disclaimer: Obviously there are situations that are irreversible, and it's so broken that the only thing you can do is move onward, I get that. I encourage people in those situations to let go of the guilt over the past. Move on! It does no good to roll around in the past should've, could've, would've land! It's over, so what you must do now is make yourself ready for what lies ahead for you.

I am often asked by people who have been divorced, "Can people change?" I assume they are thinking, "maybe if I had stayed longer it could've worked?" It's a mystery really. I believe on one hand that people can change, but the real question is not can they, but will they. And if I am honest, most people can, but won't. They are stuck in the patterns they have grown to love and cherish and they feel safe functioning a certain way, even at the expense of those around them. Make sense?

If you or someone you now needs some Relationship Coaching, please contact my office to set up an appointment, I'd love to help you! (913) 390-1200, or email jana@mercychurchkc.com. Thank you!

Slay Your Demon (3 of 3)

My final thoughts on slaying your demon is simple really, and it's in the above picture, "The Struggle is Real." We all struggle, or should struggle with the demons within! I saw a t-shirt that read, "I don't fight with my inner demons, I just go along with them." I think that is tragic! The demons you, me and everyone struggles with will take us places we never thought we'd go, and keep us longer than we want to stay and cost us way more than we want to pay.

I believe that all 6 points I gave led up to this final point: 

7) Stay Healthy - Another thing we can do to win the war is to stay healthy! Spiritual Health, Mental and Emotional Health and Physical Health! All are very important in being able to fight off the demons within that would love to get you to do something stupid.

I am only 45, but I have seen enough of life to see a pattern in people doing stupid stuff, and the pattern is: making bad choices when you are in a bad place. Whether it's a bad mental state, emotional state, spiritual state and even a bad physical state. And this has been true in my life as well. I am most susceptible when I am weak, or troubled or stressed to do or say silly stuff.

A rule I live by and I encourage others to live by: Don't ever make big decisions when you are in a bad place emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically. Wait until you are in a good place, and if you still want to do whatever it is when you are in a strong state, than maybe it's the right thing. I am, of course, assuming that "what you want to do" isn't immoral or corrupt. Hello!

I see this a lot in cases of adultery, divorce, and even remarriage. People who have affairs, not always but often, are super stressed at work, have a broken marriage, weak spiritually, or are going through some kind of mid-life crisis of sorts and typically always regret their decisions when they look back. Same with re-marriage; I see people get divorced and before they are even over it they "meet someone special" ... this is a recipe for disaster typically.

Okay, so I am ending this blog and there really is so much to write about this subject, and I want to leave you with one last thought and that is to not allow guilt and shame to keep you down if you have given into your demons more than you should have! That's not going to help you move forward at all, actually if anything it can weaken you. You will find yourself saying, "well I already did it last night, I might as well do it tonight too." That is just not true! If you have messed up, than ask God to forgive you and move on! Don't live in the land of past mistakes! You can win the war!

1 Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses."

Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

I normally do not post other articles here on my blog, I plan to do it more, especially when it's a good one like this. Enjoy!

This post originally appeared in Collective Evolution. 

A palliative nurse recorded the most common regrets of the dying and put her findings into a book called ‘The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.’ It’s not surprising to see what made the list as they are all things that touch each of our lives as we struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love. Below is the list of each regret along with an excerpt from the book. At the bottom is also a link to the book for anyone interested in checking it out. One thing on regret before we get to the list. It’s important to remember that whatever stage we are at in life, there is no need for regret. The process of regret is one that provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but simply a choice to do things in a different way. We are learning all the time, we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in the idea of regret. When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

 “Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

A Guide for Dating After 40

1) *Take Time to Heal.

It's important to take the time necessary to deal with the loss of a Marriage/Relationship, especially if it was a lengthly marriage/relationship. You can't share life with someone for 10 years, get divorced and be over it in 2 weeks and be ready to be back on the market. Take time to heal from the hurt. If you don't, you are only bringing baggage into the new relationship and that isn't good for anyone.

The unwritten rule is 1 year for every 10 years married. So if you were married or in a serious relationship for 15 years, that means you should wait 1 year 6 months before hitting the dating world. But this rule isn't a hard and fast rule, it's more of a guide.

* This applies to those who have been divorced, or have had a longterm relationship go bad.

2) Learn from Your Mistakes.

Let's face it, typically in any break up 2 people are at fault, maybe it was 70% him, and only 30% you, but both should take some ownership in why it fell a part. So, learn what was your part of the mess, and grow and become better for the next relationship. For example, if in your previous relationship you would run and hide from conflict, therefore nothing was ever getting resolved, learn not to do that the next time,  because it doesn't work! 

3) Know What You Want and Don't Want.

Don't settle for someone you know down deep isn't a fit for you. It's not worth the heartache for either of you. Be patience. Write down the things that are non-negotiable, the things that are important to you, the things that you prefer, and finally the things that are negotiable. I am surprised at how important Religion, for example, is to people and then they throw it all away because their in-love! In my counseling practice that never works out very well.

I teach that you should FIND yourself in a relationship, NOT LOSE yourself! 

4) Get Out There.

I meet so many older singles who just work all the time and never have any fun or give themselves free time to meet people. If they don't want to be with anyone ever, that is totally fine! But if you are wanting to meet someone at some point then it is important to get yourself out there. Let people know you are available, in a tactful way of course! Don't be weird or creepy about it.

This might mean signing up for an online dating service, taking fitness classes, joining an athletic team, take some classes, being an active member of a local church community, etc. 

5) Don't Be Desperate.

Nothing is more attractive then a confident person, and nothing is more unattractive than a desperate needy person. Ha ha! We've all see those types! Be cool, and just be you! 

Too many times when I counseling someone who is over 30 and dating they are consumed with the whole idea of "finding Mr. or Miss Right" and that is the wrong focus,I teach you should work more on "being Mr. or Miss Right" rather than looking for Mr. or Miss Right. Make sense? Be you, be happy ... then when the right person meets you he/she is meeting the real you and when they like you, it's good because it is the real you they like, not the person you were trying to make them believe you were.

6) Pray for God's Guidance and Wisdom

Even as a Christian, who would say they believe in prayer, forget this very important "dating" component. Ya know, it makes sense to get God's thoughts on a perspective partner I would think. We all need God's wisdom in dealing with life, and dating is something I believe God is very interested in helping us with.

Your Life Matters!

Slay Your Demon (2 of 3)

Much like the story of David and Goliath our "inner demons" can seem too big to defeat, but "with God all things are possible" and "greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world". We can win the fight to live right. So let's continue talking about how to "Slay Your Inner Demon."

3) Share with a trusted friend the demons you fight - This can be very scary, but vulnerability can literally save your life. It has saved me many times! I learned years ago that sharing my struggles was the best thing in conquering my struggles. Sharing my demons with trusted friends actually helped to empower me to keep fighting against them and win! Plus, frankly it took something that was in darkness and brought it to light and helped to hold me accountable.

If you are married, I pray you are as fortunate as I am and can tell your spouse about your demon! She has been the biggest help in keeping me strong and safe.

4) Always keep your guard up - Always protect yourself. Again, this is why #1 Knowing Your Demon is so important. It's so important to always stay on guard. I call this, "Having Healthy Boundaries." Like I said, knowing your struggle is critical because you can set boundaries up around yourself to protect yourself from external temptation.

We already wrestle the demon within (thinking about doing bad in our mind or dreams) but to coupe that with an opportunity to "do what you are wrestling with doing already in your mind" is a recipe for disaster.

There are times that my struggle is worse than others. Meaning, there are times it's almost like I have no demon to wrestle, I sometimes feel like, "yay I must have killed it!" Than a couple months go by and it's resurrected. This is why I always keep my guard up.

5) Starve Your Demon - This means do not feed your demon! You only made the craving more intense. You must starve it. For example if your demon is *lust, do not fuel that lust with lyrics, images, or people that will only inflame and agitate your inner struggle. The weird thing about the lust struggle is that sexual images do not satisfy the craving, it actually intensifies it. It makes it worse. Sexual images actually feed the demon of lust.

(*I will do a blog this week just on that one demon; LUST, and how to cage it and even tame it! I will give thoughts and things I hope will help both the single person and the married person!)

6) Feed Your Spirit - This is absolutely critical to your survival, coupled with previous point! Your inner man, your spirit man, which I would consider the REAL you, the God part of you,  this is the part of you that wants to do right, be right and live right. You must build this part of you up by 1) Reading the right things, 2) Saying the right things, 3) Believing the right things, 4) Looking at the right things, and finally, 5) Doing the right things.

To Be Continued ...

Slay Your Inner Demon (1 of 3)

"We all have inner demons to fight. We call these demons 'fear' and 'hatred' and 'anger'. If you don't conquer them, then a life of 100 years is a tragedy. But if you do a life of one day can be a triumph." - Bruce Lee (From the Movie: Dragon) 

One of the things we all deal with is, what many refer to as, our "inner demons." Whether these are born of insecurities, things we lack, irreversible past treatment, deep dark desires, unmet needs, unquenched thirsts, or simply fears, they are real. Many people are tortured daily by their demons and if we let them, they will drag us down to the pit of darkness, despair and eventually, if we give in, they will lead to our destruction. Even if you do not give in to them they often work as a distraction, keeping us from the life God desires for us.

So, what you and I want to know is what the freak to do about it? I mean, how can we not let our demons ruin our life?

Side note: I can hear in my head someone saying, "Just denounce them. Don't acknowledge them, then they won't get a foothold in your life." I'm sorry, but that's just so ignorant, in my humble opinion. That's like ignoring or not acknowledging when the doctor says you have cancer. Also, I am uncertain if we can ever completely rid ourselves of our demons. And when I say "demons" I am not talking about an actual demon, but rather our carnal selfish flesh, our sinful nature - the part of us that wants to do whatever the hell we want, when we want and with who we want. You understand? I am not talking about demon possession. That's a whole other teaching.

1) Know Your Demon - What I mean is that we should know what our struggle is; know your enemy. I think most of us do know what our demon is - whether Lust, Pride, Fear, Insecurities, etc. When you know your demon, you know not to give in, and you know it's not God speaking to you. Make sense? Know what voice belongs to who. Many times all this takes is a little commonsense. I find the Holy Spirit to be a HUGE help in knowing and identifying my demon.

For example: I know that when I feel like skipping church, its the Devil speaking to me. I know God wouldn't be asking me to skip church, and I know that the Devil isn't going to encourage faithful church attendance. I know when I feel like being selfish and not supporting my church financially, it's the Devil. I know God encourages generosity. (I am sure there is some one who would like to dispute this obvious point, but I am speaking generally here ... of course we all know there are always exceptions to most rules. But frankly a person who would want to dispute this is only attempting to justify why they are stingy and not obeying God. People who are generous would agree with this principle 100%)

Let me continue; I know it's not God telling me to run off with some other woman and leave my wife and kids. Duh! But how many of us know people who have done this and have actually claimed it was God? But even commonsense would tell you that is something you should not do, but it happens all the time. I could go on with example after example, but you get the point. Know your demon!

2) Don't Obey Your Demon - This seems so easy, doesn't it? But it's a lot harder than it sounds, huh? How many times have we considered doing what our demon is asking us to do. Even with the above examples? It's strange how the demon can make something that is so wrong seem so right. Our demon makes it seem like such a great idea, saying things like, "You deserve it" or "You don't want to miss out on that ..." or "It will make you so happy ..." and so many other tempting one liners. 

I have helped people through these very struggles and always thought, "how can they not see that this is so stupid" until I faced some of the very same demons speaking to me. Wow, it's real, and not always easy when you are the one wrestling the demon. Often the craziest thing can be so tempting.

What I have learned is so very helpful here, is to have good trustworthy friends, who are people of character who you can go to and they can confirm for you, "dude, that's crazy! Don't do it!" Then your response should be, "Okay, I won't!" I can't tell you how many people have come to me about something I have said, "Dude, that's crazy! Don't do it!" To only have them go ahead and do it, and later regret it.

1 John 4:4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

To Be Continued ... 

2014 Easter Reflection

Wow, we did it! Another Easter successfully accomplished! Easter does stress me out a bit, not in a bad way, in a good way. It’s an exciting stress, if there is such a thing. For many it’s the one church service they will attend, and I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility to preach the Gospel Message clearly so it’s not lost on the hearer.

Our church has a history of doubling on Easter. So whatever we run on a normal Sunday, double that number and that is our Easter! So, as you can imagine it’s a bit crazy getting ready for it. I am so proud of the Mercy Church community! Our Dream Team, those who volunteer, rose to the occasion and did a great job making sure everyone who attended feel welcomed and loved. I received several emails from first time Easter attendees, here is just one:

Pastor Timmy, 

I attended church Easter Sunday for the first time with my roommate XXXXX. I grew up Catholic & have lost my interest in church within the last few years. My roommate suggested I go with her & see what it was like. I enjoyed your service very much. I felt so welcomed & did not feel "lost" during the service at all. I really enjoyed the Church's freelance style while at the same time being organized. I had a great first time experience & want to thank you for that. It’s refreshing to attend a service that was about ME as an individual yet still centered around God. I really like what you guys have going on, & I will definitely attend in the future. 

Thank you!! - Emily 

Easter, to me, is a forecast of what is to come for our church. Or at least what is possible if we will be faithful with what God has already given us. It’s a glimpse of what could be or should be for Mercy Church if we will all rally together and cease the moment! I believe that every Sunday can be Easter!

SPECIAL THANKS: 

For those who were at our Easter know that we had a power outage right as service was to begin (only on Easter, right!) and our Worship Team Member, Scott Nance played his violin marvelously to entertain the crowd while we scrambled to get the power back on. And thanks to Dustin Matzek, a Dream Team Member, we found the switch and got us back on! It was a interesting start to a service, but all ended well! 

BEST NEWS OF ALL: 

Several people prayed a Prayer to dedicate and/or rededicate their lives to Christ on Easter, and that’s what it’s all about – getting people to commit their lives to Christ! Amen!

Is My Life Half Over?

If the average lifespan of a man is 75, that means today, April 14th, as I celebrate my 45th birthday my life is more than half over! Dang that means I have 30 years left! Though I figure with being a vegetarian, “eating twigs and berries…” as my friend Chad jokes, “you should live to be 324!” I do expect to live into my 90’s without much problem, but still even then I have lived half my life. Still my thought is, “dang!” I have so much more to do, I better get busy doing it!

I assume I am officially “middle-aged” now… why do I NOT like the sound of that?! Seriously! I had another friend say, “Man, don’t you hate birthdays?” To which I responded, “No, it’s so much better than the alternative – not having a birthday!” Boom, Ha ha! I truly hope that no matter what I will truly feel what I feel today, that each day is a precious gift from God! Thank you God, seriously! Life is good.

Clarification: Saying, “Life is good!” Doesn't mean that everything in my life is good or always goes well or that nothing bad ever happens, but it’s an attitude of the heart. It might be better said, “God is good, and life is what it is!”

THANKFUL

I am thankful to be having a birthday! I am also very thankful to be healthy, somewhat sane, to be married (and happy about it) and she is my first wife (and hopefully my only). I have 2 beautiful healthy children, a job I truly love, friends who are true friends, both my parents are still alive, and a set of grandparents on my Mother’s side too!

There is something weird about the 40’s that is fascinating though. It’s almost like I find myself looking at what I don’t have more than appreciating all that I do have, like the skin on my neck that used to be really tight. Do you do that? I need to stop that. There are some good things that started happening when I hit 40. I started to calm down and began to desire and even appreciate simpler things. I feel the need to remove the clutter, the excess in my life. I want to ENJOY life more, like a good cigar and a good Brandy in the company of good friends, and not just be so busy busy! Things that used to matter to me don’t matter anymore, and the things that are really important, like my hair for example begin to really matter! LMAO (Laugh My Angel Off - the Christian version)! ON a serious note, I mean things like marriage, family, friendships, career (making a difference), doing what I love with those I love, that's what matters. I also have been craving reading time, (that sounded old right there). I also find myself just refusing to stress (still struggle occasionally) but I just don’t have time for it. It does me no good to stress over something I cannot control. I find myself saying more and more, “it is what it is!” 

So there you go, I turned 45 today, and I am happy about it, though the thought of 50 only being 5 years away is really weird for me, I've always felt that people who were 50 were old. I am working on changing my thoughts on that!

Over-all I am thrilled with my life up to this point, of course I have things I wish were different, I think that is normal and even if it’s not I still wrestle with it. I am constantly reflecting on how to get where I want to be, and hope to never just settle in and get complacent. I am still eager to not just leave a legacy, but to make a difference.

Bottom line: I would want to be missed if I was gone! Wouldn't you?