Do Something Special

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Often, when we think of "giving something special" to the one we love we think of "buying" something. Of course, there is nothing wrong with buying something special! But, it's not necessary to do that to show your love and devotion to that special someone. Rather than “buying” something special you could “do” something special. I would gladly use your story, but you haven’t told me yet, so I will use mine.

 

My big gift to my wife this year, since times are tight, I detailed her car, cleaned and conditioned her leather seats! She’s thrilled!

 

So this Valentine’s Day, if times are tight, “DO SOMETHING SPECIAL” rather then “buying” something special. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Compatibility Questions

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Let’s be honest, relationships can be tough! I've been married to the same woman since 1994, and though we’ve been blessed (fortunate) to have a really good relationship, there have still been those times it’s a lot of work. But I can say, from the heart of my bottom, it’s worth the effort!

When we meet someone we are attracted to, we can often forget to really make an effort to get to know them, like really know them. Our attraction (feelings, passion) to (for) them sometimes overshadows taking an honest look at our compatibility with each other. We essentially love the idea of them, what we think we know, based on feelings alone. Not that strongfeelings are wrong, I had and still have strong feelings towards my wife, but I also took a long hard look at how compatible we were before I made all those life-long commitments at the altar (she did as well). Because neither of us wanted to ever get divorced!

The questions below are not going to guarantee a life-long happy marriage, there are many factors to that happening, but they sure will help you to take a real look at just how compatible you are to this person you just love so much.

The LOVE that every relationship must have is the COMMITTED-love, which is based on a DECISION to love, forever! A FEELING-love will not carry you through. I will say this though, usually when there is the COMMITTED-LOVE, feelings follow! Because when your feelings are attacked, threatened, or tempted … your COMMITMENT pulls you through, in spite of what you are feeling.

oTalk About Money

1. Am I a spender or saver – and what's my partner?

Are we comfortable spending money on the same things (such as organic food), or do we argue about money on dates or vacations? Another important premarital question about money: Will we have joint or separate accounts, and who will pay the bills?

2. Are we in debt?

What are our plans for getting out of debt, and do we have retirement goals? Have we taken a money management course for couples? Who's responsible for our financial investments?

oTalk About Physical Intimacy

3. Have we discussed our sexual health?

Do either of you have a STD, and are you taking measures to prevent it from spreading? Can you comfortably discuss your intimate body parts and functions? Here's a premarital question about body image: Does your weight or appearance affect your ability to be intimate – and can you be honest about that?

4. What do we know about our preferences for intimacy?

Have you talked about the preferred time of day for intimacy, number of times per week (or day), place, lights on or off, length of contact, foreplay, or how adventurous you want to be?

oTalk About Household Chores

5. Who cleans the bathroom, does the laundry, vacuums, and maintains the lawn/garden?

Who cooks the meals and does the dishes? A good premarital question that's not often discussed: Who buys the groceries and maintains the car? What will your division of labor look like, especially if you have kids?

6. What are our pet peeves?

Does it bother you if the toilet paper is on "upside down" or are you usually completely out altogether? Do you leave the cap off your toothbrush, the toilet seat up, or the fridge door open? A practical premarital question: Can you handle another person – even one you love – in "your space"?

oTalk About Children

7. Have we, individually and as a couple, decided whether we want children?

If so, have we considered how kids will affect our careers, lifestyle, recreation, privacy, social interests, money, and plans for the future? Figure this out before the wedding day.

8. What about infertility, unplanned pregnancies, or fostering or adopting?

Premarital discussion that build a healthy marriage need to include honest discussions about having children.

oDiscuss Your Careers

9. Are we both professionally established?

Should we both work full-time? Have we discussed whether one of us wants additional training, education, or experience? A typical premarital question: Can we afford changes in income, and does it mesh with our life goals as a married couple?

10. How do we deal with job stress?

Are we grumpy or emotionally unavailable because we bring our work home – or work from home? Is our health affected by job stress? A practical premarital question is: Do we carry pagers or cell phones; if we have shift work does that impact our personal lives?

oTalk About Religion

11. Are we both committed to a relationship with Christ? How

important is Faith, Religion, Church, God, Spirituality? Will we attend church? What denomination? Will we give financially (tithe)? How involved will we be?

12. Will you be okay to have a spouse who is uninterested in faith?

Would you go to church alone?

KC Date Ideas Under $25

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One of the most important things in a marriage (or any relationship) that is often forgotten not too long after the honeymoon is the whole ‘dating thing.’ I guess we feel that dating is something ‘single people’ do, not married people. It’s like the joke about single people having better sex than married couples, this ought not be!

 

I believe that whatever it took to capture the heart of your spouse is what will be needed to continue to capture their heart for the rest of your marriage. Never stop capturing the heart of the one you love!

 

I celebrate 19 years with my wife and I still call her on the phone and ask her out. I still send love letters to her through the mail (postal service, with a stamp and everything!). I still write her corny poems, I still leave notes on her car, notes on her mirror, gifts on her pillow. Why? I do this because I want to continue to capture her heart for the rest of our lives; it’s basically what I agreed to at the altar 19 years ago.

 

I’ve heard every excuse why people “can’t go on dates” … no money, no time, kids, etc. All lame excuses! Seriously! Come on, let’s be honest here, you have the time when something is important to you, and let’s face it, there’s enough money to do a little something, and kids can be duct-taped in a closet in the basement for a few hours. Ha ha! Okay, that was wrong, I do not recommend that … but it did make you giggle!

 

It’s true that we do what is important to us, so make ‘dating your spouse’ important to you, because the reality is that it is very important, even critical to your relationship.

 

Here are 10 simple date ideas for under $25 that can be done here in Kansas City:

 

None of these ideas is rocket science, and maybe you have even done them before, but have you done them recently? The key is not “doing something you’ve never done” but rather “doing it!” There is no reason you cannot do one of these a week, so you should be good for the next 10 weeks!

 

1)      Find a NEW restaurant that neither of you has been to before (i.e. FUD, Eden’s Alley, Blue Bird Café, or Pot Pie)



2)      Order your favorite carry-out dish and take it to your favorite park, spread out a blanket or find a park bench and enjoy.

3)      Look up a local winery and go for a wine-tasting, even buy a bottle to share later. And along those same lines, do a Boulevard Brewery tour.

4)      Find a cool little coffeehouse to grab a cup of coffee and share childhood memories. (i.e. Hi Hat, Little Freshie’s, Coffee Girls)



5)      Make a list of your life’s dreams and share with each other.

6)      Do a themed date. (i.e. dress up in 1950s clothes and go to Winstead’s for a milkshake)


7)      Go to a bookstore (only a few left in the city), grab a poetry book and pick a poem to read to each other.


8)      Look through a cookbook and find a yummy recipe, go purchase ingredients, come home and cook together, then share the meal. Make sure to dim the lights, play some classical music (or whatever music fits the dish) top off with candlelight.
 

9)      Go to Little Freshie’s down off 18th and Summit in Kansas City, Mo., and get one of the delicious treats along with a cup of coffee.

10)  Go to a heavily-wooded park and hike through the trails, find a make-out spot!

 

Plus ONE … 11) Dress up and go to Nelson-atkins Museum of Art (not on a Monday, they are closed!) and when you stop in front of a picture (or some piece of art) place your finger on your pursed lips and nod your head slowly, then tilt your head from one side to the other. People will think you are some art critic!
 
*This Article was published in EABrides.com magazine.

2013 Hanky Panky Challenge

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The Hanky Panky challenge is a challenge for those in a committed relationship to engage in some kind of “hanky panky” every day for the entire month of February (28 Days). Now, I looked up the definition of “hanky panky” and it was not the definition I was hoping for … so I thought I should clarify what I mean by "hanky panky".

WHAT IS THE HANKY PANKY CHALLENGE?

Here is what I have learned over the years of issuing this "Hanky Panky Challenge" to couples. For the guys it means one thing, and for the girls it may mean yet another, so let this blog be your guide. I am encouraging those in a committed relationship to take the month of February and focus on their relationship by creating moments of intentional intimacy “hanky panky” with each other every day, a total of 28 days. It's a challenge in itself just making time to connect every day! It’s really about making your relationship a priority. So whether you connect purely for physical intimacy (intercourse - hopefully no diagrams are needed here) which most dudes are probably hoping for, OR lots of other relationship building activities, such as, but not limited to:
 
  1. Kissing
  2. Touching
  3. Tickling
  4. Massages
  5. Foot rubs
  6. Bubble bath together
  7. Listening to Kenny-G
  8. Washing each other’s hair
  9. Pillow talk
  10. Praying together
  11. Read romantic book
  12. Watch Dr. Phil – sorry, just kidding!
  13. Watching a romantic movie (not Texas Chainsaw)
  14. Cooking dinner together (tip: Dude, wash the dishes!)
  15. Long talks
  16. Long walks
  17. Write a meaningful note to one another and read aloud
  18. Write a song and sing to each other
  19. Share a bottle of Wine while talking (do this naked, and don’t touch for an hour, so fun! )
  20. Go on a romantic date (Do what you did to capture her heart, and do those things again to keep her heart)
 
Side note here: Many times this is what I see missing in people's relationship; everything that I have mentioned above is forgotten or even completely absent after a year or so of being together. Simply, we take each other for granted, we are too busy (or we feel we are too busy) to make real time for building and working on our relationship. Yet when I talk to couples about their schedule I see that there are many opportunities in their “busy schedule” for intimacy, but it’s filled up with TV, Sports, Hobbies, Kids stuff, friends, facebook, and just a lot of busy-stuff.

So there it is, the Hanky Panky Challenge ... I hope you take the challenge and commit to making your relationship a priority for the entire month of February. Comment here on this post or on my facebook.com/timmygibson or follow on twitter @TimmyKC... oh yea, by the way ... I promise at the end of the 28 days your relationship will be better than ever!

Happy Hanky Panky!

Don't Let Ministry Kill You

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(This blog entry is for anyone considering being a pastor)




 
This month Mercy Church (formerly known as Olathe Life Fellowship) celebrates its 10th Anniversary. I almost wanted to say, “Mercy Church survives 10 years of ministry by the grace of God!” On some level that is totally true! Sometimes that’s just how ministry feels … almost like running a marathon. It’s extremely rewarding and euphoric at times, but also difficult and grueling. It’s been a wonderful 10 years, though my hope and prayer is that the next 10 are even more fruitful.

 
I am a part of a wonderful church planting organization called ARC (Association of Related Churches) based out of Birmingham, Alabama. Because of that relationship I get calls from young soon-to-be church planters/pastors asking me to share the wisdom from my experience of planting a church 10 years ago and we are still up and running.

 
I am not sure if what I have to share would be considered wisdom, but I have learned some things, though not all good, but it is my experience, my journey of planting a church. So here you go, a few things I’ve learned over the 10 years of being a pastor, church planter, teacher, leader, friend, counselor, wedding officiant, administrator, visionary, financial planner, strategist, and most importantly - husband, father and of course Christ-follower!

 
1)      It’s easy to lose your family in the maze of ministry!


 
Don’t! It’s just not worth it. Your family is more important! Please don’t forget that! Fortunately I have kept my marriage and my family, but it hasn’t been easy, and not without some battle wounds. You have heard it said a million times, “your #1 ministry is YOUR FAMILY!” Live like that is true, because it is.

 
2)      Try to keep your ego out of it.

 
Early on I really struggled with this one, actually I’m not really so sure I struggled with it; I just let my ego run wild. It’s hard to do and I’m not so sure I am doing so good at it now, but I know I am way beyond where I was years ago! Age and experience has a way of refining you, if you let it.

 
I believe that if you can keep your ego out of it you will see the success you dream about sooner than later.


 
3)      Be careful how you define success.

 
I come from a church culture that defines success in numbers. And for a church that is Attendance and Offering numbers. If those are up and growing, then you are a success, if not, than you are not a success.

 
And what sucks is that as much as we say, “I don’t care about the numbers!” We do care, and the line we always use to justify this obsession is, “numbers equal people and we care about people … plus there is an Old Testament Book of the Bible named Numbers!” Ha ha! On one hand I get it, and we count every Sunday both attendance and offering to see where we are, and that’s okay. We want to be good stewards! BUT if you get your value and sense of well-being from those numbers, something is seriously out of whack.

 
If you want to get Biblical about it, just look at various characters in the Bible who didn’t seem to have the “numbers” or the “success” but were following God’s perfect plan for their lives and ministry, i.e. Jeremiah is a good one.

 
Obviously, our churches should be pursuing growth, especially if it’s reaching people for Christ! But, in my humble opinion I believe that our success should be defined by three things:


 
                                           I.            Our personal relationship with God.

                                        II.            Our relationship with our spouse.

                                     III.            Our person relationship with others.


 
4)      You can’t make everyone happy.

 
I have tried, and it is the one thing in life that I have conceded is in fact impossible. It doesn’t matter what you do, you’ll never make everyone happy. If you do contemporary worship some will love it, some will not. (I know, hard to believe!) If you preach verse by verse some will love it, some will not. If you preach topical, some will love it, some will not. Some will like the new staff member, others will not. Some will like the church structure, others will not. On and on we go.

 
Bottom line, your church cannot make everyone happy, so don’t even try.

 
5)      Be who God called you to be.

 
Yet another area I struggled with early on in ministry. And frankly, I still wrestle with knowing just who I am. But early on I tried to be Rick Warren (although a skinnier version (I don’t mean that mean, it’s just what popped into my mind, so I typed it … lol!) I tried to be Andy Stanley, Bill Hybels, Joel Osteen, Timothy Keller, Chris Hodges, (add successful famous pastor’s name here) and it just didn’t work.
 
 
I did and do actually preach my own original sermons each week (maybe that’s the problem – lol!) so I never got in to preaching other pastors material, but I tried to be like them in other ways, and it just didn’t work. I am Timmy Gibson, a unique and special individual, just like you are unique and have that special something that only you have. Be you, and I promise you won’t have to try as hard!

 
6)      Love Jesus.

 
Thankfully this is one area that’s been easy for me, probably because of my strong Christian heritage. I love Jesus more today than ever. Unfortunately I have seen many pastors fall by the wayside for some reason or another. Usually sin. I don’t know how else to say it, but simply love Jesus a lot! Let it be the one thing that is constant about you and your life. People will appreciate it more than a lot of other things you could do for them.

 
And by “loving Jesus” I am talking about doing whatever it takes to maintain a close relationship with Him! You won’t regret it.
 

7)      Constantly ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”

 
And answer HONESTLY! Sometimes we do good things for the WRONG reasons. Be careful, it’s easy to do. Too many pastors do what they do more for their ego then they do for God or people. I know this because I’ve been there.


 
8)      Find community outside your church.

 
I’ve made friends in our church, and have lost friends in our church! Ouch! Ministry is painful. Everyone wants to be your friend (at least they think they do). But the reality is that most people can’t handle it, even in a culture like ours where who I am on Sunday is who I am during the week still doesn’t work to have close friends from the congregation. I have even had people seek my friendship and when they don’t get it leave the church. Ha ha! I’m not totally sure why friendships don’t work with those inside the church, it just doesn’t.

 
There are exceptions to the rule, I do have a couple friends who have been mature enough to be our friends and congregation members at the same time, but normally this never works out. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship with someone in the church, but a close friendship is pretty impossible. Here is one reason; if and when they leave your church it is incredible difficult to not take it personal … especially when they have told you, “I would never leave you or your church … unless you killed someone, then I might leave.” And next thing you know, they leave.

 
So, be careful and look for friends outside your local church, and having other pastors as friends can be helpful too … only if they are awesome!

 
9)      To be a pastor you must be called to do it. 


      Don’t do it because you think it will be cool. Ha ha! First, it’s not cool! Secondly, you won’t last unless you are called to do it.

 
10)   Have fun!

 
Ministry should be enjoyable. I had fun the first several years, then as ministry got tough and people got difficult I stopped having fun. And what is sad is that I am normally a really fun guy who loves to laugh and have a good time. Ministry sucked that out of me. And I went through a season of funk that wasn’t fun. Not for me, my wife, my kids or those who worked with me. Actually the whole church culture began to shift from a from place to a not so fun place. That led to hiring some not-so-fun people that would’ve never been hired in our fun phase. Of course I had to fire them so we could begin getting our fun culture back. It’s taken a while, but we’re back, thank God!

 
Here’s the deal, just like most things in life there is a side of it (whatever “it” is) that we love and enjoy, then there is another side that isn’t so enjoyable. Not that it is bad in any way, there is just a fun part and a not so fun part. It’s life. It’s like a child; there are a lot of wonderful things about having children. But with that comes poopy diapers that need to be changed, dirty butts that need to be wiped, etc. It’s just part of it. Church is no different! There are things about it I absolutely love, and there is the other. What I have learned to do is to remember to focus on the things I love. You should too! And don’t allow anything to rip the fun out of ministry.

 
My prayers are with you!

A Wonderful New Year - 2013

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Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
 
As I write this I am praying that each of you have the best year ever! I know that life can sometimes really be a challenge in so many ways, especially in the current landscape of our country’s economy.

 
I truly believe there is one way to slam dunk guarantee a wonderful 2013, and that would be to really put the vertical relationship above all other relationships. Of course, leave it up to the “preacher guy” to say that, right! But I know it to be true! We allow so many other things in this life to crowd out the MOST IMPORTANT THING; our relationship with God. Commit not to do that this year, shall we!

 
Join me in putting God first in everything, and living a surrendered life in 2013!

 
Have a wonderful New Year!

Mercies In Disguise

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I have heard this song many many times and it has such a powerful message that I just had to post it for you to read! I resonate with the message of this song. I do believe that God is indeed good and not just good sometimes, but all the time! I also believe that my definition of what is a "blessing" or what "mercies" are may not in fact be God's definition.
In my selfishness I want things in life to always go "my way" with me getting the "most I can get" and everything turning out just like "I want it to," ... when in fact many of the blessings in my life have come to me through pain and things NOT going my way. Ha ha! At the end of the day, no matter what, we must trust God in and through everything! It's not easy, but necessary!
 

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise