I have been married for 15 years this June, and I am very very fortunate to have a wonderful marriage, not perfect, but healthy and passionate. Jana and I have seen many of our friends who got married around the same time we did, get divorced, and/or suffer under the sin of an affair, or frankly they just aren't happy with their marraige ... and if they could find a way out they would. Very unfortunate, and sad!
On top of that we have been counseling couples for the past 10 years and have seen much of the same as we have seen in our friends marriages ... lots of pain and unhappiness.
We preach constantly a message of "protecting yourself from an affair"; ways to affair-proof your marriage, and again, unfortunately there are couples who still fall victim to this destructive and hurtful sin called adultery.
Now, please continue to read before you draw an opinion here ... I am going to really pour out of my heart ... so be nice!
All that said, I have always told Jana, "if you ever cheat on me ... that's it, I will leave you and take the kids from you" ... and I've said other things that were even worse ...like, "I'd kill ya on top of that..." Now those words in context were jovial, we were laughing ... typically on the heels of watching a movie that had an affair in it (normally we don't watch movies with affairs in them ... at least we try not to be entertained by that crap) and so the subject was fresh on our minds.
Okay, so Jana has never cheated on me (hince the reason she is still alive - lol!) and I have never cheated on Jana. Thank God for that, cuz she'd have me killed! Lol! But, in reality we (me and Jana) are capable of such a sin ... we are human and could fall victim to it I am sure. So, what would I do if Jana cheated on my really?
Gosh, I don't know ... there are so many variables, but can I just say that as my love for her and God grows and my distain for sin and the results of it and the harmfulness of selfishness and pride ... and so on ... I am starting to have a change of heart (especially if she was repentent and willing to change ... and very sorry for what she did). And to be honest, I am not totally sure why, except that I have cheated (or had an affair, so to speak) on God so many times ... I have allowed so many things to come between me and my relationship with Him, YET He always takes me back! He has never kicked me to the curb. And because of that I love Him all the more.
And in our talks Jana has always said she wouldn't leave me. Which always tears me up and touches my heart deeply... and because of that love I remain committed to be true to her and only her. Her love for me even if I was to do something bad, or hurtful drives me to love her all the more.
I can say this; I have counseled many couples through an affair and have seen their marriage go to higher heights and deeper love then they ever had before ... it's a beautiful thing ... inspite of the nastiness of an affair, and the pain that the one who was cheated on faces and has to overcome.
Maybe you are reading this and you have been cheated on and you are furious with what I have written... trust me, I completely understand! The thought of it happening to me makes me so made that the thought alone can make me angry at Jana and it puts me in a bad mood; just the thought alone does this! And in all honesty when you have been cheated on you have a biblical right to divorce that person, and in some instances that is the best thing to do.
So for all you who have suffered, or are suffering at the hands of a Cheating Spouse, can I just say, I am sorry for what your spouse has inflicted on you, you DO NOT DESERVE IT and my prayers are with you and your family as you sort through the fire and rubble.